A Game Gear Obituary

Game Gear serial #S39023621 led a long and happy life. He was born on a manufacturing line sometime in 1990, or so revealed his autopsy. Discarded by his real parents, S39023621 was rescued at garage sale for $6. His new family was a kind and caring one, but not even they could fix his battle scars, which covered his screen due to a family of kids who found his torture amusing. For years he stayed in seclusion, scared to face a world that rejected him due to his lack of processing power. He would occasionally make an appearance for a quick game of "Earthworm Jim," but then it was back to his shelf underneath the large TV stand.

He was happy to play a game, but unfortunately, never got a chance to link up with any other Game Gears. Not only was his link cable lost, but he never found true love. His closest match, a Nintendo Game Boy, was all that was available. Its black and white screen was discouraging to the young game console and he looked down upon it, claiming himself to be superior with a whopping 16 on-screen colors. The relationship ended quickly after the color console was stashed away due to this lack of games featuring a small fat plumber.

But S39023621 persevered and eventually found a new stack of games, which brought with him new life. Playing through such classics like "Sonic 2" and "Streets of Rage" was his favorite pastime. His favorite birthday gift was a TV Tuner that allowed him to watch television when two of his owner's favorite shows were on at once. Sadly, as time went on, his screen would begin to fail him requiring the use of a Naki magnifying attachment.

His long hard life finally ended on October 26, 2004. While in the middle of a game, he suffered a massive internal power error, which took his life almost instantly. Doctors who know absolutely nothing about such things believe it was painless. Though his owner would perform CPR, all he produced was a small electric shock, burning the hands of those that tried to save him.

The gaming community will long remember his years of dedicated service and his loss will be felt throughout. S39023621 is survived by 62 games and an AC adapter. Services will not be held because trash day was yesterday.

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