Snake King Sci-Fi Channel Original Review

In 1,000 years, a scientist will find a time capsule buried deep in the ground. He'll open it to find a copy of this Sci-Fi Channel original, "Snake King." Even with years of study, he fails to comprehend just how something made in the year 2005 can possibly have worse special effects than something like "King Kong" from 1933. That just doesn't make sense. However, we're in the present and we have the advantage.

We understand that the Sci-Fi Channel could care less what its viewers are shoveled every Saturday night. They spend about $200, get an actor you might have heard of (or who still has a small career left), and slap together the cheesiest monsters you've ever seen. Oh, and they take the plot from somewhere else because they're too cheap to hire any real writers.

So, with "Snake King," they have borrowed the plot from last years summer flop "Anacondas: Hunt for the Blood Orchid." A pharmaceutical company finds the secret to eternal life, sends in a crew to get it, and finds what they need guarded by an oversized creature. It adds the minor twist that the monster is protected by natives, including their leader, rather obviously known as the Snake King.

This "king" is a beer-bellied guy with a farmer's tan, replete with cheap tattoos (likely drawn on with permanent marker), and the ability to speak English. He's the only one who can speak the language in his tribe mind you. Stephen Baldwin plays the guide who grew up in the area and is supposed to lead the group through the jungle, but is caught in the mess once the creature makes an appearance.

It's strange that the leader of the tribe is known as the Snake King since he's not exactly a king of the snakes. The problem here is some sort of Hydra. At the start, it only has one head, then three, then by the end he's sporting enough heads to take on an entire crowd of reinforcements. What's the explanation? The inadequate budget of course.

Entirely created by CGI, this thing looks terrible. It's as unconvincing as the form can get. When the multiple heads begin chomping on people, things get even worse since the green-screened humans don't mesh at all. They would have been better off using string puppets a la "Reptilicus" and it would draw fewer laughs.

This isn't the type of movie you bother to gauge the performances on either. You can simply guess how bad they are from the moment you read the synopsis. Still, it's fun to play around with the logic. For instance, through the entire movie, bullets seem to have absolutely no effect on the multi-headed beast. For no apparent reason at the end, it starts taking hits and bleeds profusely. Maybe that's supposed to add to the suspense and that would work if there were any.

If there's one reason to watch, it's for the single moment of hilarity. One of the unfortunate souls who wanders too close to the many mouths of the creature has all of his limbs simultaneously ripped off by multiple heads. They drop him to the ground where he begins wailing like a baby (literally) with blood gushing from each wound. Then, as if annoyed the movie is still going on, the Hydra snaps his head off. If you watch this movie for any other reason, seek professional help immediately. There's little reason for something like this to exist, other than to make a critic rethink his or her career choice.

TrackBack

Listed below are links to weblogs that reference Snake King Sci-Fi Channel Original Review:

» Snake King from Nicholas Roussos
My wife and I caught the Snake King sci-fi original over the weekend. It was really bad but fun to watch because it was so bad. It starred Steven Baldwin as a Amazon tribe loving pilot. Anyone else notice how bad the Jaguar tribe looked? Cindy said th... [Read More]

Comments (3)

"There's little reason for something like this to exist, other than to make a critic rethink his or her career choice. "

I have to disagree. There's a certain charm to really bad movies. You know they're going to be bad, but it gives you something to do with your significant other.

Besides, people love to complain. Really bad movies give you something to complain about.

Yes, completely agreed. But, there are good-bad movies and bad-bad movies. This was, like a lot of Sci-Fi fare, just bad-bad. You can have something cheesy good like Mansquito or Larvae, but Snake King was nothing close. It was slow and boring without any cheesy dialogue.

Oh, and yeah, it is easy to rip on these. It's making it through all two hours that's the problem.

Kensington:

Man, I'm glad I don't watch the Sci-Fi Channel anymore. I did, however, like it back when they gave this show called Exposure.

Post a comment

(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)


Warning: include(/home/meancode/public_html/breakingwindows/footer.php): failed to open stream: Permission denied in /home/breaking/public_html/2005/04/snake_king_scifi_channel_origi.php on line 281

Warning: include(): Failed opening '/home/meancode/public_html/breakingwindows/footer.php' for inclusion (include_path='.:/usr/lib/php:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/breaking/public_html/2005/04/snake_king_scifi_channel_origi.php on line 281

Blogcritics Magazine

Social Networking

Mac Headlines

Read up-to-date headlines on everything Mac.

Content provided by prMac.

ESRB Search

Creative Commons License
This weblog is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
Enhanced with Snapshots