Here is a sample from SomethingAwful.com's "Ye Olde Oblivion Bulletine Boarde." They are all really freakin' funny.


If you hear some strange sounds near you, like the sounds of heavy footsteps and grown men killing each other with two-handed swords, DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE I DID AND MERELY DISMISS IT AS "JUST A RAT!!!" I heard some odd noises last night in my bandit cave where us bandits hide a bunch of lockpicks for no real reason, and foolishly chalked it up to rats, or possibly drinking too much. I even said something like "what's that noise? Oh, it's probably just a rat" and "boy I shouldn't have drank so much mead last night," even though nobody else was in the room. As it turns out, these sounds I heard weren't made by rats; they were being created by A HUMAN BEING WHO ATTEMPTED TO MURDER ME!!! As a general rule, rats make "squeak squeak" sounds, while humans stabbing your friends to death sound more like "ugh argh stop stabbing me aaargh" or something along those lines.

DON’T MAKE THE MISTAKE I DID!!! Sign up for my five week, comprehensive class at the Cheydinhal Castle County University entitled "How to Differentiate Rats and Murderers." An optional lab component will study, in depth, the different audio properties between rats and grown men wearing 200 pounds of weapons and armor.

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