Recent Funny Stuff Posts



October 30, 2008

The CyberDuckie Song by Ann and Ken

I am a huge fan of Transmit. I love it, well worth the money spent years ago. But on our Intern's iMac, we have Cyberduck. It is free and it is good for being free.

In the office the other day we started singing the rubber duckie song (no I do not know why). So I chimed in "CyberDuckie, you're the one, You make FTP-ing lots of fun"

Ann finished off the song. She must have been bored out of her mind. Find it after the jump.

Continue reading "The CyberDuckie Song by Ann and Ken" »

June 10, 2008

The World of World of Warcraft

The Onion News Network has outdone themselves again. Priceless and hysterical.

March 29, 2008

Thief Gives Phone Number to Store He's Robbing

More proof Idiocracy is the most important movie of the century... Some dumb ass 18 year old tried to rob a muffler shop. When told the manager was the only one who could open the safe and he was at lunch, the kid gives the store his cell phone number to call him when the manager gets back. Not only does the store call him with an obvious police presence ready, he actually does come back to demand the money where he's shot in the leg and arrested. Brilliant. Just human brilliance.

March 28, 2008

Man Charged with Having Sex with Table

Now, apparently, it's okay to have sex with your picnic table. I mean, you bought it. What you do with it is your business. However, what you shouldn't do in this situation is do it four times, each time ON CAMERA in front a school. Big no no. That folks, is a felony.

March 6, 2008

Lord Riccivader and the Evil Acquirers

Seriously funny take on the EATake2.com site. Check it out, EatTake2.com.

March 2, 2008

Not your everyday screwdriver kit

This one is courtesy of Njiska, a picture of a screwdriver kit, not to be inserted into penis. It even has a (SFW) diagram on it. Never seen that warning before. Reminds me of the Bill Engvall "Here's Your Sign" skit that talks about the warning not to put a curling iron into any orphus, or to not use a blow dryer while sleeping.

So remember kiddies, don't insert precision screwdrivers into your penis. 

February 27, 2008

Internet Party: A night of social networking

If Matt can go on YouTube posting tangents, than I can post this well-executed CollegeHumor video. As with most things at CollegeHumor, it is NSFW (language).

Very well written skit. 

February 22, 2008

Ways to Extend Xbox 360 HD DVD's Life

Team Xbox has a must read "editorial" on ways to extend your Xbox 360 HD DVD's life. Priceless. Must read!

February 3, 2008

Cabela's Free "Limited Edition" Catalog

Okay, so today the USPS guy nocks on my door and by the time I get out of bed to get to it he has left; normal. When I open the door, laying at my feet is a cardboard box from Cabela's with the Free "Limited Edition" Catalog; not normal.

Why is this not normal you say? It is a hard bound, super-glossy catalog. Its like the ones you would go through as a kid and circle the things you wanted Santa to bring you, only a zillion times better.

After leafing through this one, of which I did circle a few things I would like ;) I get the feeling that Cabela's has too much money. I mean what store, even the "Word's Foremost Outfitter" spends this much money on a catalog, and how many do they send out?

It even has special cut pages, so when you open them they are multi-tiered and stuff, with fold out tabs and junk. This is high class stuff. I mean the box even has Worlds Foremost Catalog™ -- yes, they trademarked that, too.

So I call up my dad, who is a bigger Cabela's shopper than I am, and he didn't get one. He tells me that he got one of the hard-bound catalogs a few years back, they were selling for $20 with $10 off, so he bought one just for the novelty of it.

I wonder if it has coupons or something in it. We live in a crazy marketing world.

October 20, 2007

Bill Maher Goes After 9/11 Consipracy Nut Live

Never watch his show, but this is a classic live TV moment. "Do we have some fucking security in this building?" Priceless, and this doesn't even include Maher going into the stands to confront the guy(s).

August 3, 2007

The First... And Last Time On the Air

This is flat out embarrassing. It's a live TV interview with what could quite possibly be the least qualified host in the history of television.

July 8, 2007

Automated Phone Sex

'Nuff said. Definitely not work safe.

March 4, 2007

Three-Panel Soul

Wouldn't have found out about this if VGCats hadn't linked it (and even then I didn't realize whose it was till I saw the names; they certainly don't mention it on their old site): Three Panel Soul, Ian McConville and Matt Boyd's new comic. Ian is a BGSU grad and they did MacHall while he was there. Must have just started recently, since they're only up to eight comics so far. Nice style too, some are b&w almost Frank Miller-ish, and some are the unique style Ian developed for his old comic. I guess the main idea is following the new adult office lives of Matt and Ian. They also still do video games sometimes.

February 19, 2007

OMG!!11! SHE CUT HUR HAIR!1!!!!!

OMG!!11!

Continue reading "OMG!!11! SHE CUT HUR HAIR!1!!!!!" »

January 23, 2007

Thieves Steal City-Owned GPS Devices

Probably don't need to say more than the title. But, to get in a long awaited Weird Al reference...

STUPID! You're so stupid!

January 19, 2007

Sussman's Avatar

Matthew T. Sussman, esteemed Sports Editor at BC Magazine, and once fellow newsy at The BG News, has one of the best avatars I have ever seen. Although it is not "best" because of what it is; I mean, lets face it, who wants to see a noose around your college's mascot - but it is the truth.

At one point in time, he had a brown bag over its head too, which was also quite fitting, as we got pummeled by Kent State 38-3 back on Sept. 23.

January 18, 2007

She wants to be a plastic guitar legend

I will save the embarrassing photographic evidence, but my brother has a problem with the Christmas gift I gave him - his wife is now addicted to Guitar Hero II.

Last week he send me an email; "Here’s what Meaghan was doing last night instead of grading papers. She wants to be a plastic guitar legend!"

And now we have another convert.

January 8, 2007

Send Your Dollar Bills To Me!

The Wheres George stuff just does not stop (previous entry one, two). I got this in email:

GOOD MORNING OR EVENING WHAT EVER THE CASE MAY BE. MY NAME IS EUGENE SMITH WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH THIS DOLLAR BILL MAIL IT TO YOU OR WHAT? MY EMAIL ADDRESS IS [SNIP] i will AWAIT YOUR REPLY. THANK YOU
I couldn't make this stuff up if I wanted to.

January 7, 2007

Best Forum Avatar Ever

November 29, 2006

CNN Anchor Busts New Set

This is one from the oops department. Not sure what exactly he thought would happen, but you probably shouldn't demonstrate new golf gear on a brand new set. Really. Bad. Idea.

November 26, 2006

Mac Spoof Commercial

Hey look! I'm posting about one of them Mac things! Okay, it's a commerical that seems to have been around for a while, but still. Oh, and I'm just throwing this one out there without comment. Otherwise, it will end up with some uncalled for Wii joke.

September 23, 2006

Leno Headlines

We really need a YouTube category around here*.

Anyway, I watch the Tonight Show for one reason: Headlines. This is priceless stuff from America's most lacking editors and advertisers, and wouldn't you know it. Someone put two clips of the best up on YouTube.

Continue reading "Leno Headlines" »

September 22, 2006

Matt's Manberries

What is the first thing that one takes a picture of with the new Xbox Live Vision Camera?

Continue reading "Matt's Manberries" »

September 10, 2006

Some Google Humor

1. Go to Google.
2. Type in "Failure." (with or without quotes)
3. Click "I'm Feeling Lucky."

September 1, 2006

Enchanted Arms Dialog

There are too many quotables so far, even though I have spent less than a half hour with the game. I mean OMFG RFLMAO funny. There is a fine line between metro and strait out gay, and these guys are gay.

August 30, 2006

CNN Anchor Forgets to Turn off Mic

It'a Homer Simpson moment when their anchor forgets to turn off her mic when she heads off to the bathroom. Opps.

August 26, 2006

"They've really got my balls in a vice grip"

Or in this case, outdoor furniture.

August 18, 2006

Granny

If Matt can whore out YouTube, then I can do the same for Google Video. Granny. Just don't go to the web site advertised. (You don't fall for those tactics, do you?)

August 17, 2006

Somethingawful Takes on AOL Search

You've probably heard about AOL releasing user searchs and failing to keep the names secret when their code was cracked. Anyway, Somethingawful has the full story and they probably tell it better than I do. Aside from that, they also have the best of the best from the searches with their own sly comments. Hilarity ensues.

August 11, 2006

Bill Gates Farewell Address on Letterman

Matt isn't the only person who can play link whore for YouTube. Letterman ran a funny video farewell for Bill Gates. Check it out.

August 7, 2006

Quote of the Day

This all helps to support my basic understanding of the universe, of course, which is based on the foundational belief that people suck.

People are really, really stupid, too.

Dan's uber-serious WWDC predictions

As I gaze into my Prognost-o-Matic, I see all nature of things. Secrets of the very universe, are revealed to my gaze as though a curtain has been drawn aside on life itself. Admittedly, some of the things that makes themselves known are of questionable authenticity, but I trust this magic oracle not to deceive me. Thus, I present to you, my WWDC predictions.
Source: MacUser Blog

My favorite is the lickable iPod interface. Although iTunes Grocery Store is pretty creative too.

August 5, 2006

Cloning Clyde Humor

Humor in Cloning Clyde (Xbox Live Arcade) is one of the major selling points. I mean, yea, it is a fun platformer too, but the humor is off the wall.

Every note you read from yourself (your clone) has a bit of great humor. Take this one for example:

"I'd jump over them if I were you (which I am)."

July 25, 2006

I'll Take Two Doc

It'll be hotter than Viagra. Pic after the break.

Continue reading "I'll Take Two Doc" »

June 16, 2006

Best. Feedback. Ever.

"Paid $315 for Xbox360 Got no response for a week. Had to call his mom for refund"

Xbox 360 Fanboy ran the story. Simply priceless.

June 15, 2006

Wal-Mart Greeter: The Joke

A very unattractive, mean actin' woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two kids. She has a nasty looking tattoo on each arm and rotten teeth. To make it even worse, she's wearing flip flops, has a bright green thong hanging out, and has long, filthy toenails.

The Wal-Mart Greeter, asks, "Are they twins?" The ugly bitch says, "No, the oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7. Do you think they look alike?"

"No", replies the greeter, "I just couldn't believe that you got laid twice!"

June 12, 2006

Cut From The DS Lite Review

"Wait a minute, I thought the rumors about Apple buying Nintendo were false."

"Hold on, is Nintendo selling iPods now."

"Makes a great iPod accessory."

"So this is that rumored Apple portable gaming device I have been hearing about."

"They could not have come up with a better redesign of the iPod video."

"It's about time Apple finally caved to user demands and added a stylus to the iPod."

June 1, 2006

I Guess There is a Lesson Here for Us All

From the amazing Canadian who brought you Daily Dinosaur Comics, Whispered Apologies, the exhaustive list of Things That Don't Exist, RSSPECT, the OhNoRobot webcomic search engine, and a host of other good things: The Amazing Regret Index.

The concept, based on this comic, is simple: People post and vote on regrets, which are rated on a 0 to 1 scale. Regrets range from silly ("Finding out the Princess was in another castle" 0.89, "boobs" 0.02, "masturbating to a picture of yourself masturbating" 0.47) to sincere and bittersweet ("not bringing your camera" 1, "being pressured into a job instead of being a free spirit" 1, "agreeing to still be friends with your ex" 0.5).

Great way to spend a wistful and hilarious afternoon.

May 21, 2006

"WARNING: IT MIGHT NOT BE 'JUST A RAT'!!!!"

Here is a sample from SomethingAwful.com's "Ye Olde Oblivion Bulletine Boarde." They are all really freakin' funny.

WARNING: IT MIGHT NOT BE "JUST A RAT"!!!!

If you hear some strange sounds near you, like the sounds of heavy footsteps and grown men killing each other with two-handed swords, DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE I DID AND MERELY DISMISS IT AS "JUST A RAT!!!" I heard some odd noises last night in my bandit cave where us bandits hide a bunch of lockpicks for no real reason, and foolishly chalked it up to rats, or possibly drinking too much. I even said something like "what's that noise? Oh, it's probably just a rat" and "boy I shouldn't have drank so much mead last night," even though nobody else was in the room. As it turns out, these sounds I heard weren't made by rats; they were being created by A HUMAN BEING WHO ATTEMPTED TO MURDER ME!!! As a general rule, rats make "squeak squeak" sounds, while humans stabbing your friends to death sound more like "ugh argh stop stabbing me aaargh" or something along those lines.

DON’T MAKE THE MISTAKE I DID!!! Sign up for my five week, comprehensive class at the Cheydinhal Castle County University entitled "How to Differentiate Rats and Murderers." An optional lab component will study, in depth, the different audio properties between rats and grown men wearing 200 pounds of weapons and armor.

May 8, 2006

Wheres George Will Not Stop

wheresgeorge.gif

This email, preserved for all eternity, was sent to me the other day. Apple Chancellery never looked so good, did it? Yes, after this update (The WG admin had me take down all ID numbers because it was falsely inflating their system) on my original post about the web site, people deem it necessary to email me personally and tell me what their WG ID number is.

Let me give you a hint: I don't care. If only I had a WTF? category...

April 18, 2006

The Breaking Windows List of the 10 Most Offensive Words or Phrases

Since "Ouch" has their own list of offensive words, it's time to set up a list of 10 words and phrases that I find offensive; the type that should be eliminated forever to ensure that NO ONE is ever offended again. These are the pinnacle of offensive language, and anyone with a heart condi… err, person with less than adequate blood pumping abilities should not be reading this upcoming list.

Continue reading "The Breaking Windows List of the 10 Most Offensive Words or Phrases" »

April 8, 2006

Strange Mysteries Of The Where's George Post

You may recall me posting this on March 24, 2004. Then again, maybe you don't, I remember it as if it were yesterday. Why you ask? Because every couple days I get a new comment from someone who posts their WG serial number to my blog. It has become a phenomenon on Breaking Windows, and something that Matt and I have had many a laugh because of. I got this following letter yesterday:

Ken,

I know this is an unorthodox request, but the thread you have about Where's George? has dozens of serial numbers posted in the trackback section. People without the actual bills are taking these serial numbers and entering them on the site, causing lots of fake hits and entries on the site. I have no idea why people are posting them in your thread, as that makes little sense, but it's causing a problem on my end with lots of fake data and hits. Could you either edit or delete the posts to remove or mask the bill serial numbers (like is done on the WG site)? And in addition, it might be a good idea just to lock the thread so people stop posting serial numbers.

Thanks,
-Hank Eskin
Where's George?
I would like to apologize to Hank. I didn't know it was causing any harm. But this is just the icing on the cake, and makes it even more hillarious. I have deleted all of the serial numbers, and have closed comments on that thread. They had to see a hell of a lot of hits from breakingwindows.com to even investigate. That in itself is staggering.

The joke is over. We will have to find something else to keep us laughing here at Breaking Windows. Something tells me that we will not have to look far.

I could have just deleted all the posts. Sure, that would have been the easiest (and less time consuming) thing to do. But this is educational, as Matt himself put it: People ask me why I have no faith in humanity. I can now point them to this thread and that last post for my reason. Yes Matt, make that the entire thread. This page has been indexed in Google and must stand for eternity for people to see just how stupid funny this little incident is.

As we have just past the two year anniversary for that fateful WG post, I figured I would pull some choice comments. Some from Matt, and some from people who actually have a clue! Enjoy.

Paint me confused as to why people are posting this info here instead of at the wheresgeorge site... -- Matt Paprocki

People ask me why I have no faith in humanity. I can now point them to this thread and that last post for my reason. -- Matt Paprocki

Ok look. IF YOU GET A BILL WITH WWW.WHERESGEORGE.COM ON IT, GO TO THAT WEBSITE! You don;t have to ask here what to do with it! Just go to the site for the rest! You don't need permission!
I have to go take a leak now. Where do I go for that? -- David

OK... if you get a bill labeled www.wheresgeorge.com you need to go to that website and register (for free) and log your bill in. You SHOULD NOT be entering the year and serial number on this webpage...this causes false hits (people pretending they have this bill in hand) and poor Hank...the king of all kings for www.wheresgeorge.com has to weed through them and delete them.
Try the website...it's fun...free...and not as confusing as some people seem to think! -- Jaybee

SImply stated, People are fucking idiots. Most all the Wheres George stamps tell you what to do on the damn bill. Its amazing that these people dont forget to breath occasionally and die. -- Jason

March 12, 2006

Red vs Blue "The Olympics Suck" Video

Be sure and watch this QuickTime from the always funny Red vs Blue. There are some great jokes in it, but Matt Sussman should be keen on the Curling laughers.

Thanks to Njiska from DP for the link of the high res. QT version.

February 14, 2006

Dick Cheney Bitch

I haven't heard any good jokes about Cheney's hunting accident yet (though the details are funny enough in themselves, right down to his check for $12), but I randomly came across this posting on the Ann Arbor Craigslist:

Any Liberals want to go Hunting? Reply to: pers-133574441@craigslist.org Date: 2006-02-13, 1:14PM EST


I'm
DICK CHENEY BITCH

Anyway I chuckled at it.

January 25, 2006

For Those Who Think They Know Everything

The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.

No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times. (I have heard this)

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television. (I knew there was a good reason)

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king without a mustache.

American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you?)

Apples, not caffeine are more efficient at waking you up in the morning. (This may be true, but I still drink coffee more often in the morning)

Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first "Marlboro Man."

Walt Disney was afraid of mice!

Pearls melt in vinegar!

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

It is possible to lead a cow upstairs..... but not downstairs.

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

And the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (Kowabunga, dude!)

Special thanks goes to my Dad, who finds some really great things to forward me.

January 13, 2006

Burger King Hires Robber

Let's run down this illogical series of events that prove humanity is spiraling downward into an apocalypse because of their own stupidity:

1. Someone is dumb enough to rob a fast food joint.

2. That same someone is dumb enough to return to said fast food joint.

3. That same return visit, idiot criminal is dumb enough to fill out an application at the fast food joint.

4. Manager of fast food joint is dumb enough to hire the guy who robbed his store.

5. Robber was stupid enough to make himself identifiable to the restraurant clerks who he then scares sh*tless on his first day.

January 7, 2006

Punch Out In Real Life

Though it's not quite Broadway, the below reenactment of the NES and arcade classic, Punch Out, is pretty darn good. The music is especially catchy, and the moves are disturbingly accurate. You know you're a gamer when all of this makes sense.
Source: Joystiq

Very well done. Check it out.

January 6, 2006

SA Game and Movie Hybrids 2

Something Awful is running another Photoshop-fest, this time spoofing games and movies. Jordan found this but was too lazy to post it. Credit goes to him though. My favorites?

Final Fight, staring Guy and Cody (Fight Club)
Katamari Damacry: Roll Up The Machines (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines)
Requiem For A Dreamcast (Requiem For A Dream)
Full Metal Gear Solid (Full Metal Jacket)

January 3, 2006

The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

This goes in the Funny category only because there is no Crazy-bitch-funny-as-hell slot. The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny is like every action movie and TV show and comic character ever, from Godzilla to the Blue Meanie, duking it out in one righteous slugfest with an insanely catchy theme song. Bonus points if you can name every character in it.

Proximus Cycling Commercial

Dad sent me this, a funny Flash video of a commercial used to promote watching the Pro Tour on your cell phone.

December 23, 2005

No Christmas For You

Matt sent me this one. And it is Not Safe For Work! You could say it has a bit of language in it. But here is some more commentary on the "War on Christmas."

December 22, 2005

Fuck Christmas.org

Seriously – are you kidding me with this “There’s a war on Christmas” bullshit? FOX News wasn’t raking in enough cash already from all the Christmas commercials for Kill ‘em All Barbie and Girls Gone Wild Brand Toddler Gear? They had to start publishing books about some bogus attack on Christianity? And who did they pick to lead this particular charge?
Source: Fuck Christmas.org

Here is a pretty good read, with some great links in it, for those of you who think this entire "War on Christmas” is utter crap. Another link thanks to Erin.

Dingell's Holiday Jingle

Congressman John D. Dingell (MI-15) recited the following poem on the floor of the US House of Representatives concerning House Resolution 579, which expressed the sense of the House of Representatives that the symbols and traditions of Christmas should be protected. “Preserving Christmas” has been a frequent topic for conservative talk show hosts, including Fox News’s Bill O’Reilly.
Source: HouseDemocrats.gov

It's a pretty funny poem, you can even watch him recite the poem (with WMP). Thanks goes to Erin for pointing this out.

December 13, 2005

One of those classic "Weird News Stories"

Not entirely sure what to think on this one. Sounds like a nice guy unless you own some bras and a MP3 player.

November 4, 2005

Somethingawful.com takes on game titles

Most are these are true, especially Indigo Prophecy and Final Fantasy VII. Note the language used here might influence some young minds negatively, and if you do something stupid, you'd have to take Jack Thompson as your defense lawyer.

October 26, 2005

Intelligent Xbox 360 Forum Discussion

This thread had me in tears, it is so funny.

October 17, 2005

JibJab takes a shot at Wal-Mart

Always a great site (some hilarious George Bush stuff), but this one is hilarious because it's true... or is that depressing?

October 13, 2005

Stupid Moments in Message Board History

I don't know which is funnier, the question this nOOb posted or the number of responses he got.

October 10, 2005

Ti-D-Bowl sold seperately

And what are you going to be for Holloween? (Also in child size.)

In Ken's words, it's the shittiest Holloween costume ever.

October 5, 2005

Da-da-da-da-da... Flip-peeer!

I just thought you all should know.

"Scientists have taught dolphins to combine both rhythm and vocalisations to produce music, resulting in an extremely high-pitched, short version of the Batman theme song."

Their next project: the Shaft theme.

October 3, 2005

Spoof GameStop 360 'Omega' bundle

I don't know how old this is, but its funny.

September 30, 2005

Check your hotel rates...

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest.They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350.The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. The clerk stands firm, and the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the couple to use. "But we didn't use them," the man complains. "Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says. "But we didn't go to any of those shows." complains the man again."Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.

No matter what facility the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $50."

"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager. "Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."

September 28, 2005

My favorite new phrase

"Reading is such an under used skill these days."

September 18, 2005

New Hummer 3 commercial

Maybe it's just because I'm tired, but I've missed an entire quarter of the Chiefs/Raiders game because of this commerical. I can't stop watching it, and I've been on the floor in tears because of laughter twice. If anyone has a link to it in another format other than Quicktime (which the one I supplied is), let me know. I would pay to have this on DVD. No really, I would.

Just to note, if you've only seen it on TV, you're missing half of it. The 60-second version is MUCH better. When he hands her the tree I lose it every time, both because it's funny and next because this has better special effects than all of King Kong Lives which tried the same stunt.

September 11, 2005

Bush/political joke

George Bush, Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld are flying on Air Force One.

The President looks at the Vice President, chuckles, and says, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out the window right now and make somebody very happy."

The Vice President shrugs and says, "Well, I could throw 10 $100 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy."

Not to be outdone, the Secretary of Defense says, "Of course, then, I could throw 100 $10 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."

The pilot rolls his eyes and says to his co-pilot, "Such arrogant asses back there. Hell, I could throw the three of them out the window and make 56 million people really happy."

September 6, 2005

Hilarious Amazon.com fanboy review of the DS

You can read it here, but I've pasted it for easy reading:

"No, the PSP can't download DS games on the PSP. That would be considered stealing, since Sony doesn't own Nintendo games or it's characters. And, if Nintendo employees joined Microsoft or Sony, Nintendo characters will go on to PS2 and XBox and make them kiddy systems, which you all PSP fanjerks hate so much. Then, they would both be as much of a "failure" as Nintendo (no offense, Big N). So, if Nintendo gets bankrupt, you can kiss Sony and Microsoft goodbye as well. (A big cookie to the first person who can any sense out of that)

Continue reading "Hilarious Amazon.com fanboy review of the DS" »

Louisiana Demoted to Federal Territory Status

Today during a special session of Congress legislation was passed and immediately signed by President Bush that demotes the former State of Louisiana to federal territory status.
Source: Blogcritics

I just had to post this. I thought it was well written, and pretty funny.

September 2, 2005

Basically a fear of mine

I am just gonna come right out and say it: I better not hear anyone say something like, "If [such and such does/doesn't happen], the hurricane has already won."

Continue reading "Basically a fear of mine" »

August 20, 2005

Mac & PC hybrid?

This is a nicely animated movie with a cute story (QuickTime). Thanks to Rob for the link.

August 17, 2005

This is one high reporter

Funny stuff (WMV). Thanks to Dan for sending it in.

August 16, 2005

The greatest flash game ever devised

If you're a guy at least.

July 31, 2005

Disturbing stats

What group of people are we talking about?

Continue reading "Disturbing stats" »

July 15, 2005

A completely untapped market

I've not been watching La Tour de France or anything but I keep hearing about Lance Armstrong and it's made me realize: Bicycle racing is a completely untapped market in video games. I mean just imagine, the guy's won the race like a gazillion times in a row and no endorsement deal for "Lance 'Lefty' Armstrong's X-treme Tour de la France" on X-Box?

Continue reading "A completely untapped market" »

July 9, 2005

World's Ugliest Dog

It is on snoops, so it must be true. I must warn you, it is one ugly dog.

July 2, 2005

New Bugs Bunny Speaks Out, Part 2

You might remember that funny Flash movie about the new Buzz Bunny. Well TLG Media has another one out. Its just as funny without all the curse words.

May 31, 2005

Having that feeling...

Now this is funny (QT). Be sure to watch through till the very end (yes, work safe).

May 26, 2005

Lightsabers and fuel don't mix

And take away common sense for an even deadlier trio.

May 8, 2005

PCMCIA

People cannot memorize cryptic industrial acronyms.

April 29, 2005

Burrito thought to be deadly

And it's not for the reason you would think.

Fun flash game

It's like Operation times 10.

April 10, 2005

Mom wants to sell kids on eBay

I'm selling the baseball that started my wonderful first day of spring break. Do you want to know why I'm selling the baseball that started off my wonderful first day of spring break? Only because Ebay won't let me sell my kids who were playing with the baseball that started my wonderful day. Is spring break over yet?! Here's the whole story...
Source: eBay bid

The auction is over, but wow what a horribly funny story. The baseball (signed no less) went for $1,125.00. This proves you can sell worthless things on eBay other then seven inch long french fries.

The problem with high urinals

A group of second, third, and fourth graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to Churchill Downs, the local race track, to see and learn about thoroughbred horses.

When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.

Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the boys up, one by one to the urinal.

As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the fourth grade."

"No, ma'am," he replied. "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race.

A dream job

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi . . . You know, I just HATE drawing welfare - taking from society and giving nothing back. I'd really rather have a job".

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his gorgeous daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes convertible, and he'll supply all of your clothes.  Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips and you'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullshitting me!"

The social worker says, "Yeah, well, you started it."

April 7, 2005

Get your very own Time Machine!

Yes, you! Well, actually, now you can't. I mean, you could have but the auction is over. The pictures and video make this one worth a look.

April 6, 2005

The best PSP/DS fanboy argument ever

It's funny because it's true.

April 4, 2005

Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time

Off course I find the site I wanted to link to on April 1 a few days late! There are some great ones here, like the Taco Liberty Bell. Great stuff. The Upper Case and Lower Case islands is my personal favorite, and people bought it!

Transparent Screens

Some people were having some Photoshop fun. I would do this too, if only I had the time. Check it out! They all look pretty good.

Thanks to Shellie for the link.

April 1, 2005

It's April 1st, Fools

Oh what a web we weave, when we practice to deceive. Blogcritics has a page dedicated to the '05 batch of April Fools jokes (we have ours over there of course).

Sony drops PSP support, litigation looms

Roughly once a week, Sony representatives visit the retailers who carry their products. They check on kiosks, update employees on various happenings, and set up merchandising.

This week, Sony's representatives have told a small number of employees (including myself) that the PSP is going to be pulled from the market within the next few weeks. This is news that should be staying at a store level, but it's simply not fair for someone to purchase such expensive hardware and not get what they paid for. Therefore, we've chosen to reveal what we know as of right now.

Continue reading "Sony drops PSP support, litigation looms" »

March 27, 2005

Going WAY Over the Rainbow

This poor kid is going to look back 10 years from now at this and begin to ask questions (direct link, WMV). Most notably:

Why was I wearing leather?
Why did I try to act cool while singing a "Wizard of Oz" song?
Why did someone have to put this on the internet for millions to see?
Why didn't mom tell me that I didn't look good in tight leather?
Actually, why did mom let me wear tight leather in the first place?

March 21, 2005

Best Episode 3 Parody EVER.

This is great stuff, and it looks like it really took some time. It's a big file (a little over 30 megs) and Quicktime. People, take the time to download this. Mace Windu is hilarious.

March 12, 2005

New Bugs Bunny Speaks Out

Well, we should get it out of the way now. This is not work safe and if you have small children, sensitive ears, or you're not a fan of naughty language, don't click. If that's the case, you probably shouldn't be on the internet either, but I digress.

Anyway, by now you've likely heard of how Warner Brothers is butchering the Looney Tunes into some stupid futuristic fantasy where all the famous characters have super powers. To see one persons interpretation on just how EXTREME things are going to get, you need to see this gut-bustingly funny flash.

March 9, 2005

Obscene Mario Bros. Flash

They don't much funnier than this. We should give you a warning that the content is extreme and potentially offensive (it really is), but all that's going to do is make all the 8 year olds want to click on it more. So, if your kids are watching this, it's not our fault. Thanks for your consideration and for not suing.

March 8, 2005

Obi-Wan Buys a Car: The video

And the dealer doesn't even have a clue. Warning: Total stupidity ahead (yet strangely entertaining)!

February 22, 2005

Blond Joke of the Day: Rooster Puzzle

(Guest submission from my Dad, thanks for the funny.)

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?."

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "...let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."

February 21, 2005

How to respond to eBay feedback

In case you weren't aware, eBay implemented a system a while back that allows people to respond to feedback they've received. Some people use it to plead their case, others use it to make entertainment for all of us.

February 16, 2005

Etiquette for forwarding emails (funny or not)

I originally posted this on May 20, 2003, so I am not going to post it again.

A friend of mine forwarded this to me the other day. The really funny part is that it was flagged as spam, POPFILE was 99% sure of it. I am not going to correct it either. The email had an attachment, that just had a transcript of who had forwarded the email to who (I know who you are).

Of the classified words recognized by POPFILE, there are an overwhelming number of "red" words compared to "green" words.

Continue reading "Etiquette for forwarding emails (funny or not)" »

February 5, 2005

Worst Weather Report Ever

This is really bad. We could all do better on the fly

February 2, 2005

Militants' 'hostage' GI is 12-inch action figure

(CNN) -- A photograph posted on an Islamist Web site appears to be that of an action figure and not a U.S. soldier being held hostage.
Source: CNN

A Real American Hero!

I really feel sad for the AP here. No, no I don't.

January 30, 2005

White House Ghosts

George W. Bush was thrilled at finally being able to spend his first night in the White House, but something very strange happened. On the very first night, he was awakened by George Washington’s ghost. Bush asked the ghost, “President Washington, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?”

“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised Washington.

With all the excitement of the White House, Bush still couldn’t sleep well, and then, later on that night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Bush asked.

“Cut taxes and reduce the size of the government,” Jefferson answered.

Bush still couldn’t sleep well, so much later, on the same night he saw another ghostly figure moving in the shadows.

It was Abraham Lincoln’s ghost.

“Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?,” Bush asked.

Lincoln replied, “Go see a play.”

Thanks to Max for the funny.

January 28, 2005

Bill Gates Strikes a Pose for Windows release in 1985

This makes me feel dirty. Note: Can you spot the Apple Computer in the first pic?

UPDATE:
Snoops tells us that these photos are actually publicity photos taken of the then 30-year-old Bill Gates coincident with the initial release of Microsoft Windows in 1985. They even cite Corbis. Thanks to Nick Burns for the Snoops link.

January 19, 2005

CNN 'at your command' commercials

Have you seen the new CNN commercials? If not they have a Flash site with them. Its great seeing news anchors trying to act. The bloopers are great.

January 14, 2005

Qualuudinous iPod World Video

Do you want to know what it's like to be a gadget writer on the day of MacWorld? Watch this 5MB Quicktime and you'll have a bit of an idea.
Source: Gizmodo

Thanks to Rob for this hilarious link. I guess it is an iPod world after all!

January 13, 2005

Announcing the Apple iProduct

I do not know which is funnier, this or this!

Source: Gizmodo

January 10, 2005

How Small Problems Become Big Problems

Is this real (wmp)? If it is I feel sorry for that guys bumper. But I feel a setup. The camera zoomed in right when it happened. There are also enough guys there to push the car forward. Also, why was this being taped in the first place? It can't be real.

Thanks to Matt for the link.

The real Paper Mario

The Sticky Paper Mario.

To Hell With It

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound"that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Now I doubt this is real, but it sure as hell is funny! Both my brother Max and friend Jake sent this to me, so it must be getting good circulation. Thanks for the forwards guys.

January 8, 2005

Madden '06 box art revealed

January 7, 2005

Creative Commies T-Shirt

While chatting with Neil yesterday, he pointed me to this Creative Commies T-Shirt web page. I just had to buy a shirt, its PayPal'able to boot. Not only are they cool, but they’re a bargain too - $5 ($6 if you need 2XL or 3XL), plus $5 for shipping anywhere in the world.

If you’ve been reading BoingBoing lately, you’ll know what it’s about, but basically Bill Gates, in an interview with CNet News.com (great Apple quotes in this interview, btw), described people who are against intellectual property and over-strict copyright legislation as ‘communists’ (Dan Gillmor has some good analysis of this). So, naturally, there are various desktop wallpapers and buttons for us ‘creative commies’, and now, t-shirts.

I don't think calling ourselves "commies" is a good thing for the open source movement, but you gotta admit that it is a good play on the Creative Commons name. I do love the copyleft logo, and now have that as my desktop wallpaper.

Thanks to Neil for sharing this bit of geekery.

December 7, 2004

The Snoop Shnizzalator

Try The Snoop Shnizzalator on Breaking Windows, or CNN.

Parental advisory, as in, Not Safe For Work!

You think you know yourself...

...until you use google.

Everyone should google themselves, you never know what you might find.

November 30, 2004

No one said eBay users were smart

Compare the end price and what this thing is worth! Yea, stupid.

November 9, 2004

Funny Time Magazine spoof

I do not know who to credit for this. Sorry.

November 8, 2004

Diebold "ad" variations

Thanks to Dan for posting this link in a comment to "Glitch gave Bush extra votes in Ohio."

I too do not have a high regard for Diebold's e-voting machines. These posters are hilarious.

November 4, 2004

United States of Canada?

Jake linked to this image on someone's iDisk and it looks like it is down now, but Urban Vancouver has it. Thanks to Richard Eriksson for pointing me to the UV site (nice of him to plug that site, isnt it?)

Canada 2.0

You'll be hearing a lot of "I'm moving to..." the next couple days. Well, I'm not moving anywhere. I'm staying put. The borders? Well, that's another story.
Source: Not A Dollar Short

Check out the link, for the new Canada 2.0 map!

November 3, 2004

Words of wisdom from IT professionals

“Whenever you have software controlling hardware, you’re gonna have problems.”
--Brent Short

“No matter how many times you’ve saved the company tons of money in recovered data or uptime, the one time you got caught playing Quake will always come up during your salary review.”
--Jim Kiley

“We have a name for IT professionals who have not experienced a catastrophic loss of data: inexperienced.”
--John Crighton

“The longer it takes a system to reboot, the more likely the problem you’re working on will require a reboot after every step.”
--Davis Conley

“Fast, cheap, correct. Pick any two—then hope you get at least one.”
--Roy Harvey

Thanks to Max for this funny email.

October 31, 2004

Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition iPod

Like no other, iPod Ashlee Simpson Karaoke Edition stands out. Virgin white, it features the new Apple Fast-Forward Click Button and, on the flip side, complete how to use instructions. Available for just $349, it comes with enough money to use a pay phone for calling your daddy, your agent or both, when you get caught lip syncing live on national television. We have also included some Kleenex for those special times when your entire fan base realizes you're nothing but a talentless hack.
I heard Bob and Tom joking about this. Then Chris sent my this link. Very well done, kudos to the creator.

October 27, 2004

Midnight Pajama Jam Swift Boats for Truth Ad

Thanks to Matt for the link. This one is a funny funny, ha ha.

October 23, 2004

When you are not looking...

... your desktop icons might be at war (Flash).

Thanks to Rob for the link. I have seen this before, but do not think I have ever posted the link to it.

Why the general public should not be allowed on the internet

Or.... why an IQ test should be required before starting a new website.

Or.... This kid is an idiot.

Or... My IQ just dropped 10 points after reading that.

Or... Why certain parents should not be allowed to have children.

Or.... Everything I learned about video games I learned from fan boy message boards.

Or.... Why AOL sucks #2,875,908,095

Or... Spellchecking gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Or... Why games like Spongebob the Movie become Greatest Hits.

Or... Who says the avaerage age of a gamer is going up?

Or... This is more entertaining than Breaking Windows.... seriously.

[linky]

Thanks to Matt for the link, and oh what a funny read it is!

Miserable failure

Fun with "I'm Feeling Lucky"

Step 1: Go to Google.

Step 2: Type in "miserable failure" (without quotes).

Step 3: Click I'm Feeling Lucky.

You get President George W. Bush's Biography!

Thanks to Max for pointing this out.

The Onion Infograph: Battleground States

Not only is this info graphic funny, but the photo used in the background is a photo taken by JD Pooley of the Sentinel-Tribune here in BG from when Kerry held a rally downtown. Thanks to Matt Sussman for pointing this out.

BTW, Matt, it would be great if your blog worked in Safari.

October 16, 2004

Another fun BBspot.com quiz

Matt: You are .html You are versatile and improving, but you do have your limits. When you work with amateurs it can get quite ugly.

Ken: You are .doc You change from year to year, just to make things tough on your competition. Only your creator really has a handle on you.

Which File Extension Are You?

October 15, 2004

Bushisms at About.com

"I heard there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —George W. Bush, second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004 (Flash video of quote)

This and so many more on the About.com page dedicated to Bushisms. There are even pages for 2000, 2001, 2002 and 2003. There are a couple funny shots of Dubya too, like that pretzel bruise shot.

October 14, 2004

Star Wars Spoofs

There is a lot to explore here. Including a funny on the Atom Films Web site.

October 11, 2004

Best Admin Excuse Ever

Dear Users:

We have a down Internet connection. Someone deleted the Internet when they dragged the little blue “E” to the recycle bin. We are working with our Internet service provider to restore the whole World Wide Web using tape backup. This will take some time, because the backup storage facility is on another planet. With NASA currently grounded, we will have to enlist the aid of the Russian space agency. We appreciate your forbearance.

Thanks to my bro Max for the funny.

October 10, 2004

Movies in 30 seconds....

...re-enacted by bunnies. More fun Flash today!

The Zoom Quilt

I cannot tell you much about The Zoom Quilt because quite frankly the web site leaves something to be desired: namely any kind of artist statement or information about the project. It is a shame, because the end result is really a wonderful piece of art. The Shockwave version is great. But be sure to go through the HTML/JPG version as well, so you can see all the details.

Thanks to Matt for sending this link to me.

October 9, 2004

Have your eBay ID in ink on her skin for ever

This woman is nuts. She apparently is going to be getting an eBay tattoo, and you have the chance to get your eBay ID inked as well. Fun stuff. It is an eBay UK auction, but you can bid if you live here in the US. That is a killer IRON MAIDEN back tattoo she has.

October 7, 2004

ROFL Attack

Not only a fun Flash game, but it has great game music! The graphics are amazing. Check it out. They have other Flash stuff at TheCrunge.net too.

October 6, 2004

Rodney Dangerfield dead at 82

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Rodney Dangerfield, the bug-eyed comic whose self-deprecating one-liners brought him stardom in clubs, television and movies and made his lament "I don't get no respect" a catchphrase, died Tuesday. He was 82.

Source: CNN

All I can think of is maybe now he can get some respect? But I know thats bad. Here are some better ones. Thanks to Dan for sending them to me.

Continue reading "Rodney Dangerfield dead at 82" »

September 21, 2004

Guess what doesn't belong

Looks like shopping for your two-year old just got a little more difficult.

(They fixed it today. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas was for sale on this page for 2 yr. olds.)

September 19, 2004

Pivot Stickfigure Animator

This is cool. Look what some kid on Digital Press pulled off with it (clicky).

September 13, 2004

'What's Apple been up to while Steve's away?'

Ahh, The Joy of Tech is always a good laugh.

September 5, 2004

Canada-Michigan 2004 Photos

When my Dad goes on a trip he usually takes his camera. Be sure to check out these photos from his latest trip up through Michigan and to Canada. If you have Webshots you can put them on your desktop easy. (You can download the images if you do not have Webshots) If you are a Mac using Webshots user, I strongly suggest using SwapTop, and not the official Webshots Mac client. Thanks Dad for the great desktop pictures. They look great on my 23" Cinema Display :)

September 2, 2004

Top 11 Ways to Reduce IT Spending

11. Outsource your web hosting to GoDaddy.com 10. Start a “Network Admin” college extension course and let the student pay you to run the network 9. Set all the desktops to auto-logon and voila! No more wasted time resetting passwords 8. Change disaster-recovery plan from remote hot site to “focused prayer” 7. Adopt coin-operated meters for desks, chairs and monitors—throw in the computer for free as an inducement 6. Save paper—tell everyone the company’s standard font size is now 6 points 5. Declare your network “secure enough,” and stop all patch-management practices 4. Lower your service level from five nines to five eights 3. Employ new desktop—sharing plan: one pair of monitors, keyboards, and mice per PC 2. Redefine the “P” in PC to mean “personally maintained” 1. “You may have noticed that your titles have all changed to Intern…” Thanks to Max for this funny list!

CensorZilla

When the developers at Mosaic Communications set out to create Mozilla, their lawyers requested that they clean the source code-literally. Developers text containing vulgar words or expressions. Here is the unedited version of the original code. Thanks goes out to my bro Max for the link.

August 29, 2004

2.6 2.8 3.1 3.3 9.6 [from the Korean judge]

He is no Paul Hamm. (QuickTime) Thanks Matt for the linky.

Now that is a cool tie!

The 100% silk, bright red Gadget Tie is a must for gadget lovers!   The design features cell phones, PDAs, MP3 players and more (it has an iPod too). The back of the tie has a hidden pocket-- perfect for carrying a credit card, key, money, mints…or any other small items. SCOTTeVEST Tie. Of course you should get the Sport Jacket to go with that snazzy tie...

August 25, 2004

How to post on a message board for newbies

Posting and You. Thanks to Matt for the link.

August 22, 2004

Top 11 Good Things About Being Named Version 2.0

11. You can’t be blamed for your predecessor’s problems 10. At least your name isn’t Microsoft (or is that Mike Rowe Soft?) 9. No need to be compatible with Version 1.x 8. None of the pressure to perform like younger sibling, the upcoming Version 3.0 7. Can get away with more, as 1.0 release are always more trouble 6. Easy name change after plastic surgery or other life-altering events 5. No bugs, just untested and undocumented features 4. Way better than being name “286” 3. Always first in line at school—even ahead of kids whose last names start with “A” 2. No need to make a first impression—people already know something about you 1. Can use the phrase “new and improved” on your resume Thanks Max for this funny!

August 10, 2004

Crazy Unicycling

It all looks pretty fun until your nuts hit the poll. Some crazy people, check them out (QuickTime). Thanks to Rob for the link. The site has other funny videos and games.

Funny Funny, Ha Ha from Jake

Jake tells me he is trying to "clean up" his site because his family is now reading his site. HA! I doubt that is going to happen. So on his behalf I present (most of) the jokes he sent me. Those left our are just too wrong to post. Thanks for the laughs Jake :) What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone. Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts. Why is air a lot like sex? Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any. What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever. What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes. What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18. Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex? Because they have cotton balls. What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? "Are you sure it's mine?" What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck. Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*! What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s..."

August 3, 2004

Top 11 IT Skills You should never use at home

11. Naming your children “strong” user names like Fr3d to prevent identity theft 10. Patching your roof as many times as you patch Windows before replacing it 9. Using your flowchart skills to increase the speed at which your spouse prepares for a night on the town 8. Suggesting route optimization to the local mail carrier 7. Using Kronos to schedule your bathroom breaks 6. Creating a secure tunnel directly from the beer tap to your stomach, especially while load balancing between taps 5. Referring to your spouse’s new haircut as an upgrade 4. Asking your mechanic the cost of consolidating parts from older family cars into a single upgrade 3. Employing a hot-swap protocol when experiencing difficulties with your spouse 2. Applying a firmware upgrade to your toaster 1. Stringing your Christmas lights the same way you string Ethernet Thanks for the email Max!

July 30, 2004

Cool Castlevania flash game

Castlevania is a great game, now in this super portable Flash version. Thanks to Matt for the link.

July 15, 2004

Taking extreme to extremes...

By: Michael Cooper exĢtreme ( k-str m ) adj. 1. Most remote in any direction; outermost or farthest: the extreme edge of the field. 2. Being in or attaining the greatest or highest degree; very intense: extreme pleasure; extreme pain. 3. Extending far beyond the norm: an extreme conservative. See Synonyms at excessive. 4. Of the greatest severity; drastic: took extreme measures to conserve fuel. 5. Sports. a. Very dangerous or difficult: extreme rafting. b. Participating or tending to participate in a very dangerous or difficult sport: an extreme skier. 6. Archaic. Final; last. The other day, I was driving in my car through Cleveland, and I noticed a license plate in front of me, EXTRM SP. It was on a Pontiac Grand Prix GT. Now, granted this is the sportiest car of the Grand Prix models, but what makes anything extreme? Maybe Im missing the point, but hasnt this all gone to the extreme? I can understand using extreme for distance (see definition #1 above), like the extreme reaches of space. Honestly, human minds cant comprehend the distances in space. I can understand extreme feelings (see definition #2). Extreme temperature (definition #3) is something else I can comprehend. Even definition #4 can be understood, but when we get into extreme sports, I just dont understand. By definition, an extreme sport involves danger and difficulty, but wouldnt that describe all sports? If youve never played a sport, wouldnt you find it difficult? And isnt physical activity by nature, dangerous? Hell, getting in your car is dangerous, but casual driving isnt referred to as extreme. Instead, jumping a mass amount of objects in a car is extreme. Okay, maybe you can say one thing is more dangerous than the next, therefore, it would be an extreme sport. But why dont you talk to ex-NFL players who are paralyzed, or Christopher Reeves, who was paralyzed while riding a horse. Now, I know there is no such thing as extreme horseback riding! Maybe a bucking bronco at the rodeoĶ Weve had extreme BMX, extreme motorcross, extreme skateboarding, extremeĶ the list goes on. I can live with extreme sports, Ill get over it. What about the XFL or the Extreme Challenge on SPIKE TV? Are they really extreme? What makes these things so extreme? Extreme stupidity? But, where I draw the line are extreme products. We now have extreme deodorant. How does that become extreme? Is it dangerous? No. Is it beyond the norm? No. Is it at its highest point? Definitely not. Is it intense? No. (And would you really want an intense deodorant? What would it do?) Now, there is extreme perfume or cologne. Ever get in the elevator with someone wearing too much perfume? Or how about walk into an elevator and still smell the perfume from the person who was in the elevator lastĶ even though they are no longer there? But deodorant? Isnt that supposed to take away odor? So why is it extreme? But I think the most creative, and the winner of my Extremely Stupid Uses for Extreme Award goes to Jell-O. We now have Extreme Jell-O! If I eat it will I die because it is so dangerous? Will it do death-defying tricks? Or does it just sit there and jiggle like normal Jell-O? And can Jell-O really be intense? I dont think so, although Ive never tried it. What makes this Jell-O any different from its predecessors? I mean, you still eat it, right? It still jiggles, right? I just dont understand. Whats next? Extreme cooking? Oh, waitĶwe have that already, too. Extreme sleeping? How about extreme breast feeing? What will they come up with next? America is born and raised on taking things to extremes to the point that we become desensitized to just about anything. Take violence and sex for example. These things have become so mainstream in the media, movies, TV, news, etc., that our younger generations are not phased by it anymore. So, in order to attracted the young generations as they grow older, we have to push the envelope even more, cross that line one more time and draw a new one in front. Its gotten to the point that even the politicians are realizing its a problem, but it took Janet Jacksons wardrobe malfunction to make people realize what was really going on in American culture. Who was more upset by the whole halftime show? I dont know about you, but all I heard were 40-somethings complaining. The younger generations were like, Oh, lookĶ.theres a boobĶ.what else is on TV? So, now the U.S. government wants to try to tighten the reigns, and innocent people are being persecuted, but dont get me started on the FCC, thats a rant for another time. Wake up, America! The more you push the envelope now, the further you have to push it six months from now, and even further a year from now. The more you expose us to something the more likely we are to become desensitized, and therefore, it no longer has its desired affect, and then, what are you going to come up with? Reaching for extremes I am extremely confusedĶ

July 12, 2004

Sig of the Week

... besides I don't have time to melt the tar and gather feathers.

July 5, 2004

Bowling Green Fireworks July 4, 2004

Mike Metzger (Bug-Lite.com) took some great photos of the fireworks tonight. I didn't go down to the intramural fields, since I have a great view from the lawn in front of my apartment.

July 4, 2004

Man do I have a migraine headache

As I continue my volunteer work for the Sentinel-Tribune, I am again in a photo illustration on the front page of the paper this week. This time I am not blurred out of the image, so lots of people here in BG recognized me in this one. It helps when you know two of the photographers. And I don't mind making a fool out of myself for the photo ill. Its a lot of fun. Not to mention I can use this photo as stock art. A lot of people asked me if I get migraine headaches, no I do not. I am just the pawn. The photo ill was for a feature on migraine headaches, but my inspiration for the piece was the stress that comes with juggling a part time job, college, and freelance :)

June 23, 2004

Look closely at the picture

The receipt, specifically.

Thanks to Matt for the linkie.

June 21, 2004

Worlds Largest Ball of Paint

Imagine an ordinary baseball...Now imagine that same baseball with over 18,135 coats of paint on it.  Getting the picture? Good, because that's exactly what my wife, Glenda and I have done for the past 27 years. Now that ordinary baseball that once weighed less than one pound now weighs in right around 1,300 pounds! Lame I know, but what else is the great midwest have to show for itself? Link from Matt, thanks.

June 10, 2004

'ID ten T error' joke

A friend emailed this, so I just had to post... I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?" He replied, "It was an ID ten T error." I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that. in case I need to fix it again?" The computer guy grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?" "No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out." So I wrote out .. I D 1 0 T

June 6, 2004

Grand Theft Auto: Lego City

Having just made it back onto the streets of New Brick City after a long stretch inside, Jimmy Bricketti is sent to Lego City by his old boss, Sonny. But all does not go smoothly upon his arrival in the saturated, orthogonal metropolis of Lego City. GTA: Lego City is a parody of the Vice City trailer and is Brick Flick's first movie. Check it out, they have DivX and QT versions to view. Thanks to Matt for the linky.

June 3, 2004

Selling Son's Beloved Play Station 2 For Punishment!

A special thanks to Matt Paprocki for this link. This is classic, this kid should be very happy his mother does not do anything else other then tan his hide! I think she should sell his games with it. She might have gotten that $177 back if she did. Be sure to read the entire auction. Here is a small snippet: Here is the story: This weekend my 13 year old son decided to be destructive, deceptive and disobedient. I had a bugle I was selling on Ebay and while I was out he decided to “play” with it. Sunday morning when the auction was to end, He picked up the bugle and asked me if I knew it was broken. He handed me the bugle which he had “played” with and both solder joints were broken and since it was out of alignment the slide is now stiff.   Lets back up one night. That was the tip of the iceberg. Saturday night I send my son & his friend to the skating rink like the rest of the parents. I was to pick him up from the skating rink after it ended. Well he went home, while I was not there with his friend and they invited someone I do not know to the house while WE were not there. I get home about 11:30 PM and find the house is wrecked. Beer was missing. Confronted son and friends about beer…Yes they had drank the beer.... It gets better, including a $120 bottle of Dom Perignon.

May 20, 2004

Vaseline Man Can't Slip Cops

Meet Robert Chamberlain. The 44-year-old Virginia man was arrested earlier this month and charged with felony criminal mischief for damaging a Motel 6 room in upstate New York. But Chamberlain, who has spent time on the pipe, wasn't breaking windows or throwing the television off the balcony. He was nabbed for slathering Vaseline on every single thing in Room 205--mattresses, pillows, sheets, furniture, carpeting, blankets, the TV, etc. Source: The Smoking Gun

May 11, 2004

Skeletor The Cat

Oh the things you can find on the Internet when you are bored. Thanks to Matt for pointing out this gem, Skeletor The Cat.

May 9, 2004

Serene Japanese Computer Messages

Here are some actual error messages seen on computer screens in Japan, where some are written in haiku. Aren't these better than "your computer has performed an illegal operation"? I found this and do not know if it is true, but it sure is funny.
The Web site you seek cannot be located, but countless more exist. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on. You ask far too much. Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working. Windows is like that. Your file was so big. It might have been very useful. But now it is gone. Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire. The network is down. A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone. Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data. Guess which has occurred? You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will. Having been erased, The document you're seeking must now be re-keyboarded. Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

May 2, 2004

Wedding Dress/Gown Guy Doll

You can't own the wedding dress, but you could own the doll! Too funny. Someone has made a doll, "Complete with Black tee-Shirt, Tattoos and Boots!!!" Check out the eBay auction.

May 1, 2004

Man sells ex's Wedding Dress for $$3,850.00 on eBay

Matt sent me this last week, before the auction was over. When I first looked it was up for $640. The seller even had no reserve, which was a very risky move! His story, and his great sense of humor are great, you should go read the description plus his comments he added at the end. He even modeled the dress himself, making it even funnier.

April 29, 2004

Operation Take One For The Country

I saw this over at Jake's blog, and just had to repost. From the home page: Mission Statement: To discretely provide US troops shipping out overseas with the most sensually pleasing departure possible. About US: 'Operation Take One For The Country' (abbreviated OTOFTC) is a movement of like-minded women (women predominantly as of right now) who have covertly organized into groups to frequent eating and drinking establishments near armed service bases where troops are preparing to ship out overseas, and take one for the country, so to speak. We are a virtual organization and have no official headquarters or charter. We believe US service men and women deserve our support and we are willing to make caring choices about making them happy.

Fun Optical Illusion

Kevin sent this fun optical illusion to me. Thanks Kev! Just stare at the image (not the thumbnail!) and notice it "animate," pretty cool stuff. The image is not animated. Your eyes are making it move. To test this, stare at one spot for a couple seconds and everything will stop moving. Or look at the black center of each circle and it will stop moving. But move your eyes to the next black center and the previous will move after you take your eyes away from it The popup is 1024x768 for those of you will smaller monitors.

April 21, 2004

Jay Maynard's TRON costume

Do you think you are a nerd? You ain't got nothin' on this guy. Thanks for the link goes out to Matt Paprocki.

April 8, 2004

Can you pass the third grade?

Fun Flash of the day: Can you pass the third grade? I failed, and am too busy to look the ones up that I missed. Thanks to Kevin for this email.

April 6, 2004

Iconfactory releases 'Matrix Rebooted' icons

To celebrate the North American DVD release of "The Matrix Revolutions," Iconfactory artist Dave Brasgalla has released "Matrix Rebooted," an extraordinary free Mac OS X icon collection based on the sci-fi movie trilogy. The set contains over 90 individual icons that can be used as a complete system replacement set for Macs. Dave has also posted two matching desktop pics. In related news, public voting for the People's Choice Award for Pixelpalooza 2004 has officially begun. The Iconfactory invites you to visit each of the three category pages (OS X, CandyBar and Classic) and rate your preference for each entry. People's Choice voting runs from today until Noon ET April 13 and the winners will be announced along side of the Grand Prize and Runner up winners selected by this year's judges on April 21 Source: MacMinute These are some nice icons! If you use CandyBar you can replace all your system icons with these. Check them out (you can even download them for Windows).

March 28, 2004

White House.org Patriotic Posters

Cafeshops.com is such a great place to find some eclectic gifts. I mean, you can even buy an UtterlyBoring T-Shirt. Please note that if you do not have a sense of political humor, do not read further, and god for bid, click this next link. WhiteHouse.org, the great humor and satire site about our Pres has a bunch of hilarious posters for sale. Be sure to check them out. Thanks to my Dad for this link!

March 26, 2004

Saga of a DVD Case

I look forward to Tuesdays very much like Adam Sandler looked forward to nudie magazine day in his fan favorite "Billy Madison." The thrill of heading into the local mass electronics chain and scanning rows upon rows of newly released digital goodness is too hard to resist. It's after the adrenalin has stopped pumping, the new releases are in the bag, and my 36 inches of wasted reciept are in the bag that everything seems to go down hill. Round 1: Their first line of defense is the shrinkwrap. Eager to check out the innards of my lateast purchase, my first instinct once inside the car is to rip them discs right open. No so. Not even my keys can tear through this space age material. I slice, I slice, but eventually, I must give up hope since I'm ruining the case and bring in my second troop: The teeth. Thanks to a rather forgettable incident in high school, one of my front teeth is made entirely of plastic. That little bad boy has served me well over the years especially since it's now chipped and sharp as a razor. After countless minutes of knawing (and strange looks from the ever growing populace outside my vehicle), I finally make a small hole in it's ozone layer. It's not big, but I can finally slide my finger in there and tear it off. Round 1: Me. Round 2: Now we move on to the "security stickers." These inept pieces of sticky goo are hardly the detterent to any shoplifter. Come on, everyone knows that in order to take a stack of DVD's, you stuff them into your oversized parka on a 90 degree day and make a mad dash for the door. Workng retail, I know how this works. Besides, even a stupid shoplifter knows that tearing these stickers off in time to make an escape is impossible. Now past the shrinkwrap, my tooth begins round 2. He's got nothing on these stickers. Again, the weakers keys make their presence felt, but the stickers continue fighting back. It's time for my secret weapon: The thumb nail. Having not chewed it off for 2 whole weeks, he's stronger than ever. I dig into it's starting point and finally make some progress. After 25 minutes of a struggle that is comparable to putting on jeans 2 sizes too small, I breath a sigh of relief. I'm home free.....almost. Round 3: This is their sneak attack. Completely unprepared, I begin to pull apart the plastic. What? It....won't.....oooopen! What the hell is this? A 3rd line of defense? I pull and pull some more....I even try pushing the sides together. It's hopeless. Wait a minute...I spy some strange looking tabs on the side of case. They say "open." Why, that's exactly what I'm trying to do!" It seems these must be related to the problem in some way. I push on these, much like the arrow seems to indicate, but all is lost. These is no hope. I will never be able to appreciate the finer points of "The Rundown." But, not being the quitting type, I feel that I must go on. After 15 minutes of researching and planning a proper plan of attack, I dig my thumbnail into the sides of these (cutting myself in the process) "open tabs" and I'm finally there.....The bright sun bursts off the surface of the disc, practically blinding me. As any human would, I drop the disc to avoid further damage to my cornea. Freed from it's plastic bindings, it lays in a large puddle which has formed on my cars floor from a recent torrential downpour in which my window was left cracked. The battle was over. Me, blinded and bloody, can only stare at the blur as it begins to take on water. I don't care. I had won. I may be out $20, but damn it, I beat the DVD company. I got to their disc and no matter how many curves they tossed my way, I overcame them. Universal, I demand a surrender. You are the only company stupid enough to include these "tabs" and probably consider them useful in some way. Well, I can now see your waving the white flag as I dance in the parking lot around my prey. I won you bastards.....I won.

The English-to-12-Year-Old-AOLer Translator

The FBI doesn't need to hire 12 year old girls, they could just use this translator. Thanks to Matt for the link.

March 24, 2004

Wheres George.com

Update 04.08.06 - This thread has been shut down. Comments have been turned off. If you care to know why, read it here. Update 02.15.06 - Before you post yet another comment here, you may wish to go to the WheresGeorge.com site and plug your serial number into their database, and track it, and stuff. It is not that I do not like the comments, but it seems a bit odd. And it is more like a joke that has run its course by now. I would also like to say for the record that I did not think I would have to update this post with these blatantly obvious notes. But thanks Josh for the suggestion. Have you seen one of these bills stamped with this URL? The one I had also had the Series Date and the Serial Number highlighted. I don't know that I agree with the stamping of legal tender with advertising for web sites, no matter what the reason. That being said, this is a nifty idea. You can see the $1 bill that I am talking about here. It is more then just $1 bills too. I split a $20, and 5 days later I used it for a Sprite. Its a cool novelty. You can see what states have the most entries, etc, nice stuff. I just wonder when we will see advertisements for the local strip club stamped in the margin of the $1 bill. Your thoughts?

March 11, 2004

LIKELY POSSESSED Coke Can. UBER UBER Rare

This can has a great story behind it, and has hit many many newspapers and television stations. I'll preface this with the fact that I've been hearing odd things in my house at night. I'm betting on either a) aliens or b) ghosts, but it could be the fact that I'm usually drunk and forget to turn off various TV's and stereos. Upon heading to bed, I find that the can has MYSTERIOUSLY sprung open, as if to let out some inner demon. Yeah, I can just sense you geiger-counting/ghost-busting folk about to blow it right now with anticipation. With closer inspection you can see that this OPENED ITSELF. The tab you normally flip forward to open the can is NOT up, and instead the part that should be pushed down into the can has burst out, undoubtedly letting some little demon into my seriously unholy house. So I'm screwed for sure. Source: eBay Auction & PossesedCan.com & WSJ OpinionJournal

March 10, 2004

$1 million bill leads to arrest

COVINGTON, Georgia (AP) -- A Georgia woman who tried to use a fake $1 million bill to buy $1,675 worth of merchandise at Wal-Mart was arrested, and police later found two more of the bills in her purse. The U.S. Treasury does not make $1 million bills, but similar-looking currency is sold in some souvenir shops. The fake bill featured a picture of the Statue of Liberty, police said. "It looks real, but of course there's nothing real about this," said Stacey Cotton, police chief in Covington, about 30 miles southeast of Atlanta. "People do crazy things all the time." Source: CNN

March 6, 2004

Dubya's Hotmail Account

Here is a good laugh: Bush's Hotmail Account.

February 29, 2004

Great T-Shirt Slogans

Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound as they go flying by. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person. I Haven't Lost My Mind. It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere. Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it. THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE; 1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don't believe in Santa Claus. 3) You become Santa Claus. 4) You start to look like Santa Claus. Some days you are the pigeon. Some days you are the statue. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult The money is always greener in the other guy’s wallet. If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away? Too many freaks. Not enough circuses. She Who MUST be obeyed Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work is done here. I thought I wanted a career. It turns out I just wanted a pay check. When money talks, no one criticizes its accent. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. My reality check bounced. I love my cat. My cat does not care. If At First You Don't Succeed...Blame Someone Else And Seek Counselling. My bank account needs month-to-month resuscitation. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier. Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe in chocolate. Only in America, could a letter offering a million dollar prize be considered junk mail. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals, on the other hand, built the Titanic. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. If I throw a stick, will you leave? Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. A closed mouth gathers no foot. Don't worry about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about? Think nobody knows you're alive? Try missing a payment. Does it scare you that you are looking for wisdom from a T-shirt? And your cry baby whiny-butt opinion would be...? I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning. Nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. No one pays attention until you make a mistake. Jesus loves you, but I think you’re a jerk. Thousands of years ago, cats were worshiped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready. Stamp Out Crime. Abolish the IRS. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. What am I? Fly paper for freaks? I'm not rude. You're just insignificant. If I save time, when do I get it back? A.S.A.P. means Always Say A Prayer. Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep. What was the best thing before sliced bread? Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight. I'm really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Smile. It's the second best thing you can do with your lips. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. If the left side of the brain controls the right hand, then only left-handed people are in their right mind. Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got. Money Isn't Everything...But It Sure Keeps the Kids In Touch. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Are you sure I’m (age)? I want a recount! Does fuzzy logic tickle? Born free. Taxed to death. If “pro” is the opposite of “con,” is progress the opposite of congress? All Men Are Animals. Some Just Make Better Pets. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. Enjoy Life! Eat Out More Often. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional. The 11th commandment: Thou Shalt NOT Whine! Work Harder. People on Welfare Depend on You. Princess, having sufficient experience with Princes, seeks frog. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day. FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION! It comes bundled with the software. God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will live forever. Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Kentucky: Five Million People, Fifteen Last Names. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. Life is too short. Don't be a jerk. Ignore the dog. Watch out for the owner. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Don’t treat me any differently than you would the Queen. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation... I wonder if that means...? Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. The trouble with life is there's no background music. Women have PMS. Men have ESPN. Friends are the chocolate chips in the cookies of life. Coffee. Chocolate. Men. Some things are better rich. Who do you want to talk to: 1) the man is charge or 2) the woman who really knows what’s going on? If life is like a bowl of cherries, then I’m living in the pits! Barney sucks. Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. If they don’t have chocolate in heaven, I’m not going. If you scratch your rear, don’t bite your fingernails. Eating prunes gives you a good run for your money. If you live in a glass house, you should change clothes in the basement. Fart in church, and you’ll sit in your own pew. Germs attack people where they are weakest. This explains the number of head colds. It’s not just the ups and downs that make life difficult. It’s the jerks. I don’t know what I want, but I do know I don’t have it. People who give back their ill-gotten gains are reformed crocks. People who keep most of the loot and only give back a little are philanthropists. Once you’ve climbed the ladder of success, you’re over the hill. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. There will always be death and taxes. However, death doesn't get worse every year. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it limits. Two wrongs do not make a right ... but three lefts do. Talk is cheap, because supply exceeds demand. Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people just don't have film. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Go ahead and take risks. Just be sure that everything will turn out OK. STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of the dog, it’s too dark to read. I can see your point, but I still think you are full of crap. I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce. I'll try being nicer if you will try being smarter. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. The screw up fairy has visited us again. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a care. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. What am I? Flypaper for freaks? And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...? I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. If I throw a stick, will you leave? Can I trade my job for what's behind door #1? How do I set a laser printer to stun? When in doubt, tell the truth. (Mark Twain) The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. To err is human. To forgive is not company policy. Constant change is here to stay. Don’t be old until you have lived! Don't let the past hold you back. You're missing today’s good stuff. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's acorn that held its ground. Enthusiasm is contagious. Start an epidemic! Education is expensive, but ignorance is more so.

February 26, 2004

Golf Warning

The Montana State Department of Fish & Wildlife is advising golfers to take extra precautions & be on the alert for bears while in the Gallatin, Helena & Lewis & Clark National Forests golf courses. They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not startle the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter w/ a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. Golfers should be able to recognize the difference between black bear & grizzly bear droppings on the golf course. Black bear droppings are smaller & contain berries & possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly droppings have bells in them & smell like pepper spray. Thanks to my Dad for sending this in!

February 13, 2004

How To: By You

I love the web sites that Cat comes up with for Call For Help (and she is getting a PowerBook G4 - yay!). How To: By You (HTBY) is a kick arse site! Ever wonder how to get to work on time? There are 20 answers for you. How wonderful! About HTBY: This sociological project is about the study of knowledge among human society and how it can differ and change. This is the best site I have wasted time at in a long time, even more so then Utterly Boring!

February 9, 2004

BGSU Summer Catalog

If there is one thing I cannot stand about advertising, it is the blatant attempt that everyone seems to want to copy someone else. In a rather far departure from the normal course catalog cover design, this summer the University's cover is a crappy rip on the latest iPod advertising. ipod_ad.gif Does this look familiar? Stills from Apple iPod commercials. What a resemblance! BGSU Summer Course Catalog (click to enlarge). I have no problems with using elements of another design, but this is just a big too close.

February 6, 2004

Who would cheer for the Nimrods?

ESPN has a great set of commercials about a small town high school and their sports mascot. There is in fact the Watersmeet Nimrods. It is true, it is an actual school, they are Nimrods!

February 4, 2004

Microsoft Security Posters

Oh yea, I need these in my room! They are free (I assume for educators), and since I work in academia, I sure will order a set. Butt... NOTICE: The ordering site has been shut down for maintenance purposes. For immediate access to the Microsoft Security Posters, Adobe Acrobat versions of each poster are available for free download (see below). So bookmark this page and come back later.

January 29, 2004

Google Asks Booble To Cease And Desist

The folks at Search Engine Journal have the low-down on a cease and desist order that Google has sent to the porn search engine/Google parody Booble . It seems that, although Booble is claiming to be a parody (which is protected under law), Google is flexing its muscle because of the marketability of the parody." Search Engine Journal makes the reasonable suggestion: "Recent rulings may favor Google in the case, since Booble may be trying to profit from the marketability of the parody. Source: Slashdot I would agree, they are trying to profit from the marketability of the parody. But come on, this is just FUNNY!

January 28, 2004

Yet Another Geek Quiz

You are 50% geek
You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator.
Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend.

You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines!

Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals!

You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

LOL, some things are more truer then you will ever know! But 50%? Neil only got 5% and I know he is a Geek with a capital G! From the questions, I think it is more an "Are you a science/academic nerd" type quiz, but whatever.

January 24, 2004

Stuck Uhaul Truck

uhaul.jpg
This U-Haul van became stuck underneath the overhang outside of the Black Swamp Pub yesterday evening after students tried to direct the driver, an elderly woman, to Thurstin Avenue. The incident caused damage to the Union overhang. According to David Zelonis, student building manager at the Union, the woman took a wrong turn off of State Route 25 and began driving through campus on the sidewalks. Workers had to partially deflate the tires in order to free the vehicle. Campus Police did not cite the driver. No additional information was available last night.  To see other photos, you can download the PDF of Friday's paper.

January 22, 2004

Detroit Auto Show 2004

Don't ask me why I have not gone to this every year I have lived in Bowling Green! It is all of 1.5 hrs. away. Anyway, I will surely go back next year! And next year I will plan on going two days (at least). Last Friday Mike and I went up to Detroit for the North American International Auto Show (NAIAS) to take photos (for Mike, it was for the Sentinel-Tribune, for me it was just for fun). I have 3 (one, two, three) photo galleries online, and one of the sights of Detroit. In one day we did not get to see everything, and it was packed so getting around the floor was a battle at time. The show was a lot of fun nonetheless. We saw a pop tent on the walk back to the car from the Cobo Center. It was in the snow next to the walkway next to the river. The tent dweller had a great view of the casino tho! Of all the cars/trucks/vans/stupid useless vehicles etc. there, the Subaru B9SC Concept was my personal favorite. That thing looks sweet! The Ford Shelby Cobra Concept comes in as a close second. The first flood did not have much at all, the only thing that stuck out (like a soar thumb) was the PT Coupe. I cannot decide wether it looks better or worse then the PT Cruiser. The second floor is where all the big displays were. The eye catching designs I notied: The Jaguar S-TYPE is different for a Jag. The Mitsubishi Sport Truck Concept does not screen "truck" to me. The Volkswagen Concept T "dune buggy" is ugly. Honda's first truck, the Honda SUT Concept (I can only guess that stands for stupid useless truck) has a lot of cab space, which I like, but has a very short bed. The Ford Bronco Concept is a real stretch for what we have come to know the Bronco as, I think it looks like a Lego(tm) truck (but so does the Jeep Rescue Concept)! MSN has a TON of photos of the show. (The "More Photo Galleries" drop down does not seem to function in Safari, go figure) Getting out of the car garage proved to be the most difficult part of the day. After paying the $12 for parking, the gate is supposed to open letting us leave. Well that did not happen. We paid the lady the money, and the gate did not open, and did not open, and still did not open. She had to call someone to come and unlock the gate an manually raise it. We must have sat there close to 5 min. all the while people were forming a line, probably a couple levels long, waiting to leave. Of course they were all honking horns, which just made it even funnier to us. After finally getting out of the parking garage it was rather easy to get back onto 75, easier then we thought it would be to find.

January 20, 2004

Best Client Quotes

My favorites so far is:
"i checked with a friend and they said there definitely IS a rainbow effect in photoshop, why did you tell us there wasn't one?"

"Can't we make the text blink?"

There are some really funny client quotes here.

January 18, 2004

Bush in 30 Seconds Finalists

Bush in 30 Seconds Finalists. My favorite is "Child's Play"

The Old Gas Station

image001.jpg The service station trade was slow. The owner sat around, With sharpened knife and cedar stick. Piled shavings on the ground. No modern facilities had they,   The log across the rill   Led to a shack, marked His and Hers That sat against the hill. "Where is the ladies restroom, sir?" The owner leaning back,   Said not a word but whittled on, And nodded toward the shack. image002.jpg With quickened step she entered there But only stayed a minute, Until she screamed, just like a snake Or spider might be in it. With startled look and beet red face She bounded through the door, And headed quickly for the car. Just like three gals before. She missed the foot log -- jumped the stream   The owner gave a shout,   As her silk stockings, down at her knees Caught on a sassafras sprout. She tripped and fell -- got up, and then In obvious disgust, Ran to the car, stepped on the gas, And faded in the dust. Of course we all desired to know What made the gals all do The things they did, and then we found The whittling owner knew. A speaking system he'd devised To make the thing complete, He tied a speaker on the wall Beneath the toilet seat. image003.jpg He'd wait until the gals got set And then the devilish guy, Would stop his whittling long enough, To speak into the mike. And as she sat, a voice below Struck terror, fright and fear "Will you please use the other hole, We're painting down here."

January 17, 2004

Things to ponder, but not for long

1. Can you cry under water?  2. When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunkydunk."  3. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 4. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?  5. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? 6. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 7. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?  8. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 9. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 10. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? 11. Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV? 12. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 13. How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? 14. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? 15. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! 16. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?  17. Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.  18. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.  19 Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? 20. If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! 21. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever

January 15, 2004

Bank Letter

I got this email from my dad:
The letter to the bank below is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year old women  The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.   Dear Sir: I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month.  By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it.  I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.  My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.  My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.  Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete.  I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.  Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.  I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Let me level the playing field even further.  When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1.  To make an appointment to see me. 2.  To query a missing payment. 3.  To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4.  To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. 5.  To transfer the call to my toilet in case  I am attending to nature. 6.  To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. 7.  To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact. 8.  To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7. 9.  To make a general complaint or inquiry.
The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.  While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call. Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year? Your Humble Client

January 14, 2004

Gollum Gangsta Rap

Gollum Gangsta Rap (Flash). Too funny! I also found the lyrics: Gollum is Smegol King I is regal Basshead for the precious Smeagol fly like an eagle Precious is my bling-bling Precious gonna sing-sing Precious on my finger Nasty hobbits no sting-sting My pimp stick a missin' Redrum on a mission Don't fuck wit the Gollumses playa Playa we be fishin' Me wants it Hobbitses stole it Power to the Playa And the Gollum who controls it The Towerz are the Playaz The Towerz are the Playaz all Skills with the grooves Middle Earth have you heard the news? Gollum drop a beat that even Orcses even use Sauron and Smegol Kitty full of evil Jumpin' down to D-Town Smegol get medieval My drawers are hangin' light I'm stuffin' up my pipe Spliffin' and a splashin' I'm steppin' to the mic Gollum is Smegol King I is regal Basshead for the precious Smeagol fly like an eagle The Towerz are the Playaz The Towerz are the Playaz all

December 28, 2003

Three Texas surgeons

Three Texas surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."      One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in field events in the Olympics." The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour.  All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

First and Last Letter

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn´t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe and the biran fguiers it out aynawy!   Jizzaight!!! I saw this on Cat Schwartz's blog, and it is coolness.

What a crappy present

whatacrappypresent.com is pretty funny. You just have to check it out. So are the problems of buying a CD for someone: "I got that on the computer like two months ago" "My friend already made me a CD of that" "The company that makes this sued my friend"

December 27, 2003

A Clevelander in Hell

A guy from Cleveland dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life. The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledgehammer. To make it worse he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the Clevelander is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?" The Clevelander, with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in Cleveland. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!" The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Clevelander's remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the Clevelander is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions. The Clevelander replies, "This is great! Just like April in Cleveland. It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!" The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the Clevelander suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the Clevelander unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He is again aghast at what he sees. The Clevelander is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil. Jumping up and down the Clevelander throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over!! This means the Browns won the SuperBowl !! "

December 14, 2003

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines

UNIX Airways Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building. Air DOS Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on... Mac Airlines All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up. Windows Air The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever. Windows NT Air Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes. Linux Air Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself. When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Frosty Welcome.com

Thanks to Jim for this link. Have fun with this virtual fridge door, then send your message to a friend.
matrixhasu.jpg

December 8, 2003

Double Meanings

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters: THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE And for the grand finale: PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters (With no letters left over and using each letter only once) TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! But isn't that interesting!

December 5, 2003

Steve Balmer's iPod

I love spoofs of Apple commercials. Especially all the "Switcher" ad spoofs. Here is a spoof of the newest iPod+iTunes commercial. Its a great Flash animation, using the now famous audio from a developer conference in which Balmer ran around the stage like a raving monkey. Hearing the audio again is all that is needed to remember that video! And used as the audio for this iPod spoof ad is a great idea. MacBoy.com has some other great Flash animations including American iPod, Switch Gates, Dad vs. AOL, Big Brother and Real Dude.

Funny Egg Animations

Thanks to Jim for this link. iloveegg.co.kr has some slick looking Flash animation with eggs. Odd? Yes. But then so is a lot of Korean web sites I have seen.

December 3, 2003

Proverb of the Day 12/03/03

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it. :-D

December 2, 2003

Take Your Digital IQ

I scored a 208. And I already know I'm a nerd, as the results page points out people mIght call me. But then I prefer geek. Jake was right, I beat his score, HA HA :-P. Try it for yourself.

November 25, 2003

What's FTP?

Tech: It's simple. Just FTP your files up, create an article with links to those files and then hard-code the link to that article in the nav bar. Client: What's FTP?

November 24, 2003

I-Ninja Flash Game

This video game actually looks like it might add some new tricks to the standard platformer, but this Flash game is as addicting as the arcade classics it emulates.

Ad Campaign For New $20 Bill A Success

WASHINGTON, DC—The U.S. Department of the Treasury deemed the new multicolored $20 bill a raging success Monday, thanks to its $30 million advertising campaign. "Due to our print and TV ads, people across the nation are choosing our $20 bill when they need to exchange currency for goods and services within the United States and its territories," Secretary of the Treasury John Snow said. "We couldn't be happier. Americans agree that the Series 2004 U.S. currency is the legal tender for all debts, public and private." Due to high demand for the bill, the Treasury has already ordered second and third printings.
Source: The Onion Now, does anyone else see the need for such advertisements? I even noticed the dang thing plastered on the field of some NFL games (nice computer work guys, but when a player walks over it, it looks pretty shoddy). And that commercial with the guy throwin' the new $20 over his shoulder and across his arm like he is a Harlem Globetrotter. Whats up with that?

Mom Finds Out About Blog

Oh lord! Thanks Jake for the link. The Onion is so fun to read. We all need our satire in this age we live in.

November 15, 2003

Viking Kittens

Gregg showed me this cool Flash amination a while ago, and damit now whenever I hear the Immigrant Song all I think about are these Viking Kittens.

November 14, 2003

What is the Meatrix?

This is a very well done Flash animation, and spoof on The Matrix. It has a very good point about Factory Farming. It is, without a doubt, some of the best activism I have seen in a while. Be sure to check it out.

October 17, 2003

The Great mp3 Caper

From eff.org (Flash)

"I'd like to do a demo on a PC"

Yes, this is Steve Jobs. You probably will not see anything like this again.

October 14, 2003

A Little Perspective on $87 billion

One-Hundred-Sixty-Six Billion dollars ... this equals the total amount of money President Bush wants to spend in Iraq & Afghanistan by the beginning of October, 2004 : the $87 billion he wants, plus the $79 billion he's already spent.
Source: Crunchland Nice visual representation!

Half Life 2 Source code released

If you don't understand read this.

October 13, 2003

Talk to a Human Being

I called Lacie today to find out when the HD I ordered would ship, and the forth option was "to talk to a human being, press 4" HA HA HA. That is the first time I have heard it put that way :-P. Unfortunately the drives will not ship until mid-November :sad:.

October 12, 2003

The Internet Soapbox

Check this out (Flash). Its so funny and so true!

October 9, 2003

I thought my eBay habits were bad

But this is ridiculous. It is amazing what people will pay for on eBay!

October 5, 2003

Great eBay spoof

This is a great eBay spoof, there is even a page saying it is a joke, heh.

September 24, 2003

Fucked Weblog

LOL, Fucked Weblog, As in Fucked Company! I must say that is nice treatment to the Blogger logo.

Oh the Horror

Oh the memories of just learning how to code. This site takes me back. HA HA.

August 19, 2003

Accomplishments as President: Dubya

My cousin sent this to me - very funny! Resume of George W. Bush The White House, USA ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT: I spent the U.S. surplus and bankrupted the Treasury. I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history. I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period. I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market. I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record. In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in US history. After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history. I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by any president in US history. In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job. I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any other president in US history. I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

Continue reading "Accomplishments as President: Dubya" »

July 27, 2003

BuyMusic.com Get Screwed

buy_screwed.gif This is great. Somebody, Adam Lasnik made a parody of their logo. "BuyMusic.com Get Screwed." So as others have done I am also going to warn people as well. If you are a PC only person just wait till Apple comes out with iTunes 4 and the Music Store for Windows. For one iTunes for Windows will be like no other jukebox software on Windows, and the experience buying digital will not be the pure shit experience that BuyMusic.com is.

July 24, 2003

The Russians used a pencil

From bash.org:
The Americans spent 5 years and 10 million dollars to develope a pen that would write in space, freezing cold, extreme heat, and in zero gravity. The Russians used a pencil.
I do not doubt this one bit.

July 22, 2003

Joke: I have Windows

A blonde enters a store that sells curtains. She says to the salesman "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen". The surprised salesman replies "But Madam, computers do not have curtains". To which the blonde said "Helloooo... I've got Windows!"

Thanks to my bro, Max for this wonderful joke ;-D

July 18, 2003

iPod Love

Funny Stuff. ;-D

July 16, 2003

Hot women and power tools

Power tools are the coolest things ever! And when you have hot women added to the mix, well.... just clicky clicky. Thanks to Maury for this link too. This is too funny! I am glad they are wearing protective goggles :=D.

Real time bullet time ping pong

This is done really well, from a technical standpoint. Check it out (ASF file). Thanks for Maury for the link.

Sometimes Work is like this

other_headbangsign.gifThis is an avatar I found at the IGN board I go to from time to time. This has got to be one of the best avatar images I have ever seen. This is so classic, yet I have never ever seen this animated gif. Too funny for words, but RFLMAO!

July 9, 2003

Joke: I can count to 10

A girl came skipping home from school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde." The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," She yelled, "we were saying the alphabettoday, and all the ther kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!" "Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?" "Yes, it's because you're blonde. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?" "No, it's because you're 25."

July 8, 2003

Its a SAAB Story

Photo Mikey got a SAAB. Here he is showing his affection for it. You see deep down Mike has always wanted a SAAB. And now he has one (because his truck is on its death bed). He has one with only a 14 day plate though :sad:. He has to drive back to Michigan to where he bought the car to get the title signed. Oops. Minor Details.

July 5, 2003

Worlds Longest French Fry?

How much would you pay for a 6 and 3/4 inch french fry? Well someone payed just over $200. We have some strange people in this world. Here is a news story on it.
The fry's claim as the world's largest has not gone undisputed. Two restaurant employees at Chips of Wisconsin Rapids found one fry last week that was about 8 inches. On June 29, a second french fry from Wisconsin Rapids that's allegedly longer than 7 inches also went on sale on eBay.
What a rip off! I would definitely want the 8 inch fry!

July 3, 2003

WMD Cannot be Found

Cannot find Weapons of Mass Destruction, of course neither can the United States. If you go to Google and type in "weapons of mass destruction" minus the quotes and click "I'm Feeling Lucky" this page also comes up. How funny!

Bush Administration Political Cartoons

I am in tears looking at these cartoons. Funny funny ha ha. And you cant help but laugh at Bush from time to time :-D.

Quote of the Day

Rumours that Americans have brain cells are greatly exagerrated.

The Log Won

My buddy Photo Mikey (who made this photo illustration with me in it) has an old 1992 toyota pickup truck. Can you guess what is missing from this picture? The hitch and the bumper are gone! He was trying to drag a log out of a pond at Boy Scout camp, and well, the log won. If you could not guess this truck has a tad bit of rust to it.

June 24, 2003

Martha Living Behind Bars

My dad sent this to me last week. The only reason he had found it is because so many people were sending it through his mail server, hehe. Needless to say it was a popular image. I don't have any idea where it came from so I cannot credit it. But whoever made it has a good sense of humor.

   

   

   

   

   

June 21, 2003

My new bike

Yesterday I went down to the BG cycle shop and got a Giant Yukon. There were two reasons for this purchase, the first being more of need then want. My car has broke down, it doesn't like to start and when it does it likes to stall. But that is another blog entry all together. The second reason for getting a bike is because of want tho. I had a 15 speed Diamond Back stolen from campus 2 yrs. ago, and have wanted to get another bike ever since. I just now have more motivation: transportation. I must admit the seat on this thing is the hardest seat I have ever ridden on. I understand that if you are using a mountain bike to actually go mountain biking, you are not sitting down much at all. But man does it hurt the arse! I picked up a gell cover for the seat at Meijer today so we will see how that goes tomorrow when I go riding around town. This means I can bike around the corner to the frisbe golf range. yay! I never thought that 24 speeds would be worth anything. i'm used to a 10 and 15 speed bike. This one has 24. While riding home from work today (see I told you there was a need, good thing I live close to campus) I messed around with all the different speeds. Pretty cool. I have also never had a bike with shocks on them. Wow what a difference. I have never so effortlessly shifted gears either. In short I have never had a bike this nice before. It rocks. Oh and BG has a paved bike trail, so now I have a good reason to use it.

June 20, 2003

President George W. Bush a "professional fascist"

Now this is rich.
TV3 has apologised after a graphic labelling US President George W. Bush a "professional fascist" flashed up during its primetime news. The baseline graphic, which was supposed to have promoted an upcoming weather bulletin, was aired to 360,000 viewers halfway through Wednesday night's news.
It cant get any better then this, it was a "absolutely genuine mistake."

June 10, 2003

Laugh at Me Kicking a Scale

This looks so funny. Mike made this photo illustration for this multi-part feature in the local paper. The articles are centered around how people eat too much, and don't exercise. Not that I fall into that demographic. hah. So I kicked the crap out of a bunch of air for about an hour one day. This is what the final comp looks like. Click to enlarge (if you really want to). It is pretty funny, I must admit. I am all blurred out but anyone who knows me here in BG would be able to tell who it is. This was a 4 column photo, nearly the entire top half of the paper today, in color of course. The only time I will ever be on the front page of the paper :-P

May 21, 2003

Which vintage movie star are you?

I was checking out a friend's blog and she had this "Which vintage movie star are you?" quiz from the great quiz site Quizilla. So I figured what the hell and took it. Sooo, here are the results:

You are Frank Sinatra...what more do I need to say?
He got any woman he wanted, he practically
ruled the world....God bless 'im

Which vintage movie star are you? (for guys)
brought to you by Quizilla

:=D :-O ;-D

May 20, 2003

Virus Warning "work"

HA HA I saw this and had to post it. The virus name is "work". If you receive "work", from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or any one else, do not touch it under any circumstances!! This virus wipes out your private life completely. Be vigilant but, should you come into contact with this virus, it can be overcome. If you suspect that you are likely to be infected by "work" put on your jacket, take two good friends and head straight to the nearest pub. Once there order and drink three beers and, after repeating this action 14 times, you will find that "work" has been completely deleted from your brain. Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realise that you do not have 5 friends, this means that you are already infected by this virus and "work" already controls your entire life.

May 19, 2003

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

I invented the chicken. I invented the road. - Al Gore

Monopoly Cards We'd Like To See

Monopoly Cards We'd Like To See. My favorite is the one about the Tech stocks!

May 18, 2003

Online Comics

Here is a list of some of the online comic strips I go to from time to time. * The Little Things * User Friendly * Dilbert * FoxTrot * Mac Hall - BGSU! * Penny Arcade * PVP Online And don't forget to check out comics.com! These were submitted by Jake. They are a little odd, but then so is he :-P * Bizarro * Red Meat * Non Sequitur

Matrix Reloaded Cartoons

Here, here and here oh and here. Whoa! Cartoons from PVP Online by Scott Kurtz

April 5, 2003

The latest form of virus control

My dad just sent me this with the subject line of "The latest form of virus control..." I have never seen this before, its just so dang funny. I can even look past the details that it is actually a RJ-11 phone jack and not RJ-45 ethernet. Since that is the first thing i saw after clearing the tears out of my eyes from laughing so hard you know I work with networking too much. Reguardless of the details, It works well. And could even be used to illustrate stopping the SPAM calls from idiot telemarketers. I do not know the source, so I cannot give credit.

The page cannot be f**king displayed

My buddy Jake sent me this 404 page. It is the funniest one I have read in a while. You know you are a geek if you like reading other people's error pages. HA HA

April 1, 2003

Happy Tree Friends

Rated CV for Cartoon violence (to a new level IMO), Happy Tree Friends is some funny stuff. I am half tempted to order the DVD. on the Best Buy site it says it is 140 min.

March 23, 2003

Switch to the Dark Side

LMAO funny. Check out this switch parody (Flash). My buddy Ian sent this to me, I just had to post it, I could not resist.

March 22, 2003

G Rated Movies at Fark

The Photoshop contests at Fark are really great. Movies we would see if the MPAA censored everything down to a G rating :=D Some of them are very well done, its a good laugh!

Switch to Linux!

HA HA HA, this is good (Flash)

March 4, 2003

Blue Collar Comedy Tour

this past weekend, march 1st, I went and saw the Blue Collar Comedy Tour at the Stranahan Theater in Toledo. It was a blast. Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Ron White and Larry "The Cable Guy" all shared the stage. Ron White and Larry had short sets first. Then Bill Engvall had a long set, and Jeff Foxworthy has a long set. After that the 4 of them all came out and sat down and yuked it up some more. Bill Engvall did his "Here's your sign" and Jeff Foxworthy did "you might be a redneck if" at the very end - which was great because that gave them more time during their full set for other material.

We had nose bleed seats. Last seat last row on the top balcony. But that was all right. It was funny just the same. It was 2.5 hrs. long too! man it was a good show. And 4 comedians for $26 aint a bad price at all. My favorite set was Bill Engvall He seamed to have more new content then Jeff Foxworthy. The two lesser known comedians, Ron White and Larry the Cable Guy had some real good jokes too, their time on stage was just as funny. It was a great show! Warner Bros. is making a movie about it, I imagine it will have almost all of the good jokes in the movie, and there is a CD out as well. But the live show was definitely worth seeing.

February 24, 2003

Leo Laporte's 2003 Technology Almanac

I love TechTV and The Screen Savers is a great show for all levels of geekyness. What is even better is that Woz is a guest host from time to time. I was at my Dad's house and saw Leo Laporte's 2003 Technology Almanac sitting next to The Throne (tm) and so I started to read a few pages. Got hooked and so went out and bought it. I love byte sized stuff to read. There is a page for each day there is a main "Focus" for each day. Birthdays and other big things to note for the day fills forth of the page. then there is a Tip of the Day and Download of the Day and the rest is other info such as myths and truths to xyz or lists of top 10s and such. There are also Polls here and there. The book just has a lot of nifty technology tidbits in it. its a quick read every day, something new to read the next day. the index also is very extensive for finding "Palm" for example and it lists all the days that have anything related to a Palm. There are a lot of URLs to check out. its a great book, well worth the money IMO. For example did you know today is Steve Jobs's birthday? the book lists a Smithsonian interview that is pretty lengthy on content and material. I pretty much learn something new every day, its great!

February 16, 2003

Which OS are you?

Which OS are you? From BBspot. It told me im OS X, go figure :p

Desktop Warning Label

You might have seen this before but i just think its pretty funny.




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