Breaking Windows

It's impossible to describe the sheer hatred Godzilla fans have for this American adaptation. While there are a small number of closet fans, they would be wise to keep their thoughts to themselves. Dean Devlin's own admittance to not liking the previous films, a cheap shot at Godzilla fanzine G-Fan's editor JD Lees, and the abomination of the creature itself doom this film into the lowest depths of summer blockbuster history.

If a video game movie is good enough to earn enough to produce a sequel, this is usually the point where you know there's no chance at success. After utter duds like Mortal Kombat Annihilation, Resident Evil Apocalypse unsurprisingly follows suit for gaming movie sequels. The problem is that the original wasn't that great to begin with, and if you haven't seen that, be sure to avoid this on all counts.

The Cave is an example of being over anxious. First time director Bruce Hunt struggles greatly with this underground creature feature, and his time spent working second unit on The Matrix only shows during the jarring quick cuts. This is also another victim of the "PG-13" horror movie syndrome, with only brief moments of the genres highlight.

A massive flop for Warner Bros. after Franchise Pictures went bankrupt, A Sound of Thunder didn't even trickle into theaters back in 2005. It was quietly slipped out to regain anything from its $50 million budget, and it really didn't even do that ($1.8 million total gross). It's a shame too since aside from the glaring plot holes, Thunder had some potential.

While falling to some of the usual mini-series issues, The Triangle is wildly successful in keeping its viewers entertained. It's clichéd to say it "has everything," but that's the case here. This is one of the best pieces of original content the Sci-Fi Channel has produced in years, and it's a pleasant break from their usual Saturday night atrocities.

Spinning off the hugely popular film, the cartoon version of Ivan Reitman's Ghostbusters may be toned down, but it's still a lot of fun. The designs, sarcasm, humor, and occasionally linked storylines still make it a joy to watch 20 years after its debut. You'd never know how fondly remembered it was from Sony's DVD treatment though.

Impossibly beating all odds, destroying every bad memory about the 1976 remake, and setting a new standard for creature features, King Kong is a remarkable film. It's intense, brutal, and draining on every emotion. You're actually tired after watching it. Peter Jackson's remake is a $207 million gift for every Kong fan in the world, and except for a few ugly spots, it's hard to imagine a better way to resurrect one of cinema's all time greats.

The Island is a rare movie from action director Michael Bay. Instead of quickly setting up the story to give more time to the action, the story here is the constant focus. With its intriguing mystery, the entire Island experience succeeds as entertainment. Fans of Bay need not worry either; the action sequences are stunning achievements.

Definitely one of the oddest kaiju movies to come from Toho, Space Amoeba (or Yog: Monster from Space), was the first 1970s effort. It also became the final one from the combination of composer Ikira Ifukube and director Ishiro Honda. It's a minor effort, with a lack of scale that severly hurts the story.

With the 50's monster cycle almost over, The Monster that Challenged the World is one of the "lost" entries of the era. While it does fall victim to typical and expected clichés, it also builds some strong character, a rarity for not just the time or the era, but the genre too. It's the best thing going for this low budget piece of filmmaking.

They've ravaged London. Tokyo is no more. Korea is off the map. New York's landmarks underwent unscheduled demolition. Where's a giant monkey to go anymore? How's Hong Kong sound? That's the new playfield for Mighty Peking Man, a 1977 Kong knock-off and re-released with Quentin Tarantino's stamp of approval from his Rolling Thunder studio.

Bringing with it a new breed of awfulness, A*P*E is a classic example of a knock-off film. It doesn't seem to know what it wants to be, and since it's so pathetic it should be straight camp. At times, it acknowledges this, and other points, it's all played straight. It doesn't matter how the audience takes it as A*P*E is unquestionably awful and possibly the most grating giant monkey "epic" we'll ever see.

The world needs more mad scientists. They may screw up once in a while and unleash some huge terror that rampages through a major metropolis, but it’s all worth it. Besides, who else could come up with a movie like Konga and label it entertainment besides the criminally insane? And what would we do without it?

There's one thing going for Godzilla: Final Wars. It's not the 1998 American travesty called Godzilla. Final Wars knows this, and few references to that ugly mess are the only real highlights here. It's an attention deficit disorder nightmare of a film, radically altering a concept (admittedly quickly going stale) that's worked for decades.

The story of how King Kong vs. Godzilla came to be is likely more interesting than the film for most people. Originally envisioned by Willis O'Brien as a sequel to the original King Kong where the ape fought a giant Frankenstein monster, the film ended up at Toho after various dealings where Godzilla was inserted. There are meager connections to either creature's brief history (at the point of release), and it was created only to put two of the world's biggest monsters on screen at the same time.

Not a sequel to King Kong vs. Godzilla five years earlier, King Kong Escapes is a childish take on the giant ape. It should be though, closely involved with Rankin/Bass Productions animated cartoon series that would follow four years later. All the strange Japanese fun makes this lighthearted approach fun, if completely absurd.

Picking up after the 1953 classic film version, War of the Worlds is a rather weak TV series, bad enough to wreck most of the positive memories from the film. It's not the best premise to serve as a backdrop for a long running show (and that was proven with only two seasons), and some of the new concepts introduced are just awful. The first season is the only one worth watching, but even this is tough to sit through.

Mighty Joe Young is the King Kong sequel Son of Kong should have been. Actually, it's not a sequel at all, but given the cast, directors, and writers, it should be. The final oversized ape epic to come from the team of Schoedsack, Cooper, and O'Brien, Young is just a small notch below the original Kong.

While almost completely devoid of logic or sense, Steven Spielberg's adaptation of War of the Worlds offers spectacle. It's what anyone sitting down to watch an alien invasion movie should expect to see. Anything more is a bonus, and while those pieces are missing, it's the images that make this film unforgettable.

Some say director Uwe Boll is a hack. Some say he's talentless. Some say he's destroying perfectly good video games by making movies based on them. Anyone who ever spoke those words is correct. Alone in the Dark is his second game adaptation, and while his first (House of the Dead) can be viewed as totally ridiculous, inept entertainment, that doesn't fly with this creature feature.

Setting a standard rarely matched in its decade, the 1953 screen version of The War of the Worlds is one of the true genre classics. Its unforgettable regardless of changes made from the original H.G. Wells novel, becoming its own masterpiece of science fiction. Everything, from the Martian space ship design to the performances of Gene Barry and Ann Robinson, make this unforgettable.

It's great to see Hollywood take hold of the creature feature. So many great ones languish in the video market with restrictive budgets, some of which could very well make a mark given the chance. Welcome to one of those that had a shot, Mimic.

As the hype from the first Godzilla film to hit US theaters in nearly 15 years had died down, Godzilla 2000 became a rather forgotten entry. It's lagging pace, dull final battle, and occasionally spotty special effects left it behind. With the follow up, Godzilla vs. Megaguirus, the series returned to fine form.

There's a small but dedicated fan base for bad movies. These are not the type of movies that are actually terrible, just so incompetent, they become an absolute joy to watch for their sheer stupidity. That's King Kong Lives in a single sentence. This is a miserable film, and no honest critic is going to praise it. However, you know if you fall in this category, and if so, King Kong Lives is a necessity.

After the success of Rodan the year before, the venerable team of Ishiro Honda, Tomoyuki Tanaka, Eiji Tsubaraya, Akira Ifukube, and an incredible list of soon to be genre staples came together for The Mysterians. It would be a few years before the Godzilla series began a decline with countless alien invasions, giving this film a unique spot in the Toho kaiju film history. It's a decent invasion film, seemingly made to capitalize on the awe-inspiring effects Tsubaraya was capable of.

After a successful revamping of their star attraction in 1984 (or 1985 here in the States), Toho was quick to realize that there was a ton (no pun intended) of life left in the franchise. A direct sequel to the film, Godzilla vs. Biollante, was created in 1989 much to delight of G-fans. The Heisei series is generally dissected amongst G-fans while arguing over Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah's time travel storyline, Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla's explosive kaiju battle, and of course the series finale showing the demise of the beast in Godzilla vs. Destroyah, but rarely does anyone thoroughly discuss Biollante.

Calling something weird in the Toho universe is nothing special. You can can't even call something bizarre and elicit a response. Yet, that's the only way to possibly describe Dogora. This is easily Toho's strangest kaiju film ever, and that works with and against the film.

The most exposure The Iron Giant receives (and has ever received) is an annual marathon on the Cartoon Network. That's more publicity than anything offered by Warner Bros. before, during, and after the theatrical run. If one person a year finds this film during that marathon, then justice has been served.

Though Independence Day may make itself out to be a stand-alone film, it's not. Actually, it's not even close. The only reason this isn't called War of the Worlds is likely due to licensing issues. This has all been done before, just not with this much goofy, unbelievable fun and special effects prowess.

With Godzilla becoming a hero for children, Toei decided adults needed some giant monster entertainment. They crafted Kyôryuu: Kaichô no densetsu (Dinosaurs: Legend of the Strange Bird). They failed miserably, creating two dinosaurs so phony, so fake, that audiences back in the 1930s would have picked out the flaws. Not all the violence and gore in the world disguises that this is an awful, miserable attempt at a giant monster movie.

Godzilla already had a sequel. Rodan had ripped apart Japan. Toho needed a fresh monster, and with backing from an American TV company, Varan was born. Varan also died quickly and mercifully, making a fleeting appearance in Destroy All Monsters before fading into obscurity. It's not hard to see why.

A new film for a new decade, Attack of the Clones tosses everything Star Wars into a blender, adding in doses of insane action and mundane dialogue to flesh out the story of Darth Vader. It's a movie that's better in parts than a whole, but as a middle film in this new trilogy, it does what it needs to do. Whether or not it's what you expected is an entirely different situation.

You can't please everybody, and George Lucas probably found that out shortly after the release of Episode I. Ripped apart by critics and disowned by over-hyped fans, it seems the only people who actually enjoyed the film were those looking for a good time. It's not on par with the originals, but to say it doesn't fit or it doesn't have a place in this series is ridiculous.

Blade has never been a direct comic translation. His character, origins, and all-around demeanor were created specifically for the screen. What has been done with the character is arguably an improvement, giving the film dark overtones and awe-inspiring action sequences.

You hear it all the time. "I don't read reviews; I make up my own mind." Well, a lot of good that does. If more people took the time to read reviews from critics, they would discover films like this. A box office bomb but a critical success, "Titan A.E." is a magical ride, on par with most of the stuff Disney has pumped out over the years. Actually, it's probably better.

How many times can you say you've seen a man in a movie have his innards ripped out? A few times maybe? Ok, how many times have you seen that same man have a hungry dog take a small string of his still connected intestines while he's still alive and try to eat them? That's one of the many highlights for gore and horror fans in the totally surprising "Dog Soldiers," one of the best werewolf movies in years.

Will Smith should be covered. He's been to the past ("Ali"), and alternate present day ("Men in Black"), did an animated film ("Shark Tale"), went to a futuristic past ("Wild Wild West"), and now he's made his way into the future. "I, Robot" is a typical summer blockbuster, filled with all sorts of fancy effects and one-liners. It's entertaining compared to other films of the same vein, just not one that's very insightful even though it could (make that should) be.

The MPAA must love movies like this. First time director Zack Snyder has said he filmed some truly gruesome shots for this "Dawn of the Dead" remake, only to let the MPAA deal with it all later. It doesn't really make much sense when you think about it (does it really matter how many times you see a zombie get blown up?), but it takes more than gore to make a quality movie.

Everyone has those moments in their lives they want to go back and fix. For instance, once while sitting front row at a wrestling event, I sat down and my cheap wooden chair shattered, sending me clear to the floor in front of a few thousand people. Yeah, I want that back. Evan Treborn has a few bigger issues than that he has to deal with in the "Butterfly Effect," a unique thriller based off some real scientific theories.

Toho's idea to not only resurrect Godzilla but his foes as well was working. The previous two entries in the Hesei series were huge hits. Not one to miss a gold mine, Mechagodzilla was then brought back for his third attempt at demolishing Toho's icon. Many fans consider this to be the best of the second round of Godzilla films, though that's up for some serious debate.

This offbeat entry in the Godzilla series falls almost squarely in the middle of the original series. Gone is famed director Ishiro Honda, now replaced with Jun Fukuda who would "treat" fans to some of the worst entries in the series. Whether or not it was his directorial skills or the limited budgets he faced, Fukuda started off with a very hit or miss entry, "Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster."

There's a reason that the first two films in the revived Gamera series were huge hits in their native country. Simply put, they really are fantastic action movies, some of the best ever seen in the genre. The streak would continue in the final film (at least to date) "Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris." It's just one notch away from absolute perfection.

"Gamera: Guardian of the Universe" grabbed plenty of attention in the US, even if it went directly to video. Highly respected major film critic Roger Ebert gave it a nod (and thumbs up) on his weekly show. In Japan it played even better. Daiei studios revived monster makes his second awesome appearance (in what would become a trilogy) in "Gamera 2: Attack of Legion."

Completely under appreciated, "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow" generated some buzz over the unique effects style and then seemingly disappeared. It's one of those movies the critics and audiences alike just didn't seem to "get." That's a real shame. It still has some hope that people will discover on DVD and it's not a bad way to do it.

Both the "Alien" and "Predator" franchises were run into the ground, the Predator meeting an earlier fate. It's been 8 years since we last had a run in with the Aliens and 15 since the Predator tried to tear apart Danny Glover. Both come back together in the long time coming "Aliens vs. Predator," a meeting between two of Hollywood's most vicious.

Brought out as a straight counter to Toho Studios rabidly popular Godzilla series, Gamera appealed more to children than adults (something many people attribute to the same change in the Godzilla series). Stripped of that cheese factor, director Shusuke Kaneko takes this revived series in a new direction. Bringing back Gamera's most popular foe, changing the origins, and giving the film a darker feel makes this one of the best giant monster movies of all time.

Every truly great monster has an offspring. Dracula had one, Frankenstein had one (though it wasn't exactly the monsters son), and of course Godzilla had to have one. The second Godzilla film to be set on an island, "Son of Godzilla" is a quirky entry into a (then) fast declining series. That doesn't mean it's missing some charm.

It's probably surprising to know that the monster-happy 1950's never brought with them a giant snake movie. Considering a good portion of the population is terrified of them, it should be an easy way to scare an audience. Leave it to the 1990's to provide this service. Along with "Anaconda," the Sci-Fi channel provided us with "Python" and "Python 2." Now in the new millennium, we get another one, "Anacondas."

It's almost like Toho knew how badly they screwed up. After a series of bombs at the box office, the studio needed their franchise star to come back strong. The question remains as to why they let the films slack off in the first place, but they made up for it somewhat with "Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla."

It's hard to spot when the Godzilla series began a steep decline. Many will tell you it was when Godzilla first turned into a good guy in "Ghidorah," others will say "Godzilla's Revenge." By the time Toho studios reached "Godzilla vs. Gigan," it was blatantly apparent there was no turning back.

There's a reason the Godzilla series has been so criticized over the years: The 1970's. Starting things off after the stock footage filled "Godzilla's Revenge," this oddball piece remains the strangest of all Godzilla films to date. It has a message for sure, but it's trapped inside a warped and flawed film that ends up being more campy than powerful.

This latest batch of Godzilla films, starting with "Godzilla 2000," has been hit or miss all the way through. Fans have been split on nearly every film. The Shinsei series gets its only direct sequel here with "Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S," and it's a pretty close call.

I'm not sure why people choose to live in small towns. Don't they know that eventually a monster is going to come in and ruin everything? Sure, the big cities have their own set of creatures to deal with, but at least they have an army to defend themselves with. The again, the folks over in Perfection seemed to have everything under control in 1990's "Tremors."

"Every movie series that begins in space must end in space." That was written by, uh, well me. But let's face it; if your monster comes from space, you surely have to realize that they're going to send them back after three entries, right? If it can happen to "Leprechaun" it can happen to the "Critters."

With an obviously reduced budget, "Critters 3" goes farther downhill with every passing minute. It lacks charm, humor, continuity, and decent acting. Oh, and it stars a very young Leonardo DiCaprio. That makes five strikes.